CHOREPLAY

A recent study found that a clean house is an aphrodisiac especially when the male counterpart in the relationship has cleaned the home. Yes men, listen up, cause according to the study, there are benefits for all involved if you throw an apron on and get to cleaning.

The University of Western Ontario [fine, it’s not Harvard, but who cares when the results mean that your woman is happy and you may just get some ‘chica chica bow bow’ (that’s the universal phrase for getting busy. Obviously] found that women were much happier when their husbands pitched in around the house. Um. Duh. I hope they didn't spend a lot on that study, cause I could've told them that one. Another study at the University of Illinois took it a step further - thankfully - and stated that when men pull their weight with the chores and kids, they saw definitive results in the bedroom. They called it ‘choreplay.’ Yes, you heard me, women are that easy. Help us, and we'll help you. In the famous words of Tom Cruise, help me help you!!

Apparently, the key to a woman’s arousal is deep relaxation and lack of anxiety. Are the dishes put away? Check. Kids in bed with all their limbs in tact? Check. Everything ready for school tomorrow? Check...Fabulous, now we can get busy. Before that, trust me, women are running down the mile long checklist in their heads making sure everyone’s lives are going to run smoothly the next day.

I can categorically say that this is one of the biggest differences between men and women. A man could be sitting on top of a pile of dirty clothes, eating a bowl of spaghetti out of a dirty dish, staring through a dirty window out at his dirty car, and I still think he could manage to get excited. But women, as many of you men know, we’re all about order. And when things are in order, we’re happy, until then, not so much. And what’s even better than order? Ah the mighty four letter word...no not that one! H-E-L-P. Yes I shall say it louder for the cheap seats, HELP from our husbands/partners etc who are usually oblivious to the fact that the dishwasher has been sitting there waiting to be unloaded for four days (oh please, like any woman would be able to leave it for four days).

So this Valentines Day save the chocolates that just make us fat, forget the flowers that simply die, and throw on the rubber gloves and get to cleaning the oven. Trust me, when that appliance is sparkling clean, your woman will get that look in her eye, and you’ll know you’ve done well. In fact, it may be your best Valentines Day ever.