Friday 4 February 2011


Recently a survey was done that concluded that a large majority of airline passenger’s pet hates were children. You know Minstrel Madam was responsible for this one 
[for those of you not familiar, it’s worth going back and reading about her:]. She probably went door to door in the driving snow and conducted the interviews herself. Witch. The study found that nearly 75% of upper and business class passengers found kids ‘annoying.’ I’m assuming that those seated in economy figured they deserved the abuse or were just too tired to put up a fight.

Commentators – of course the article left this term vague which means that we don’t have to take these people seriously – suggested from this earth shattering survey that airlines introduce ‘quiet’ cabins like on trains, saving the poor childless individuals out in the world from having to endure other people’s children. Note to commentators, I’ve ridden in the ‘quiet’ cabin, and actually, there were a ton of adults I found annoying. So how are you going to remedy that little problem? 

Apparently, those in the upper classes (on the plane, not in life, although I have a feeling I know how they feel as well) claim they pay a premium in the expectation that they can work and sleep in comfort. Huh. That’s funny, cause when I travel, I pay a premium so that I can take the King aboard the plane and not have him stuffed in the overhead compartment with a muzzle wrapped around his head. I’m thinking if these upper classed individuals want some peace and quiet they should consider pooling all their ‘upper’ friends together and hire a private jet, not trying to segregate the plane according to their liking.

My favorite part of the article was when the ‘travel industry’ (apparently it speaks as one large body) claimed that business travelers and those with families want different experiences when they travel. Wow. And someone got paid to cough up that statement. Well, gosh, I’d love a hot towel and a glass of champagne when I travel, but sadly, I’m in the cow class with my child – who may or may not be crying - being forced to endure the hate stares of the minstrel madams of the world. You’re damn right I want a different experience. I’d certainly like a better experience than that!

So first we ban kids from flights, who is next? Certain ethnicities we don't like? (actually, this is already happening I think). People that can't hold their liquor, or those with butts too big to fit into the seats? No, of course not, that would be outrageous and discriminatory. But barring a child from flying business class or creating a special kid zone is justifiable because they are annoying? Well my friends, I have a long list of who annoys me and if that were the determining factor I’d be flying in an empty plane. Quite happily in fact. 

I can just see it now, "Homogenous Airlines – if you’re white, rich and mute, come fly with us, we’ll make you feel like you’ve just left your country estate!" More importantly, I’d like to know if all these people surveyed had children. Wouldn’t’ that be a laugh. 'Of course we have children, but someone else looks after them, and I certainly don’t want to travel with the little buggers!'
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