DEAR PHONE, I HAVE SINNED
There is a new app that has been ‘blessed’ by the Catholic Church and is of course available on itunes for a buck ninety-nine. If that sentence alone does not say it all, I don’t know what does. Apparently this app - described as 'the perfect guide for every penitent' - leads good abiding Catholics through the confessional process and and helps them keep track of their sins. I thought that was what notebook was for? "Stole a pen, sh*t, have to write that down...just coveted my neighbor’s wife, rats damn, hold on, I just have to log that into my iphone!" [I am pretty sure that good Catholics don't swear as much as I do].
I thought by now most Catholics knew how the confessional process worked, or at least I thought they did. Perhaps they are after the new generation of potential sinners that aren't so sure – actually, as we are all human, let’s call them surefire sinners, as most people commit four sins by lunch. You know the youth that fire up their iphones to play a little Westbang, listen to a new Bruno Mars tune, and then oh yeah, jot down that they just stole a motorbike on the corner of 5th and Main. I wonder what the app’s response is to that one? “Say three hundred Our Father’s and get down to your local church. And make it snappy, you raging derelict!”
This app, as explained by the church, is supposed to help people understand their actions (I could be out on a limb here, but I fear it may take more than an app to do this). Cause as we all know, people are obedient and civilized and they really want to do good, especially if their apps are reminding them to. Sorry, my cynical bones are twitching in a frenzy.
I suppose on the positive side it is at least trying to bring religion into the digital age and aims to influence the youth that sit day and night on their electronic devices. I can just see Moms all over the world stealing their child’s phone to install this app on there. ‘Yes, fine, you can Facetime with Mary, but then gosh darn it, you better say a couple!’
I just can’t wait to see this on the go confessional happen – just think of all the sinners out there running to a meeting, confessing their impure thoughts as they weave in and out of traffic. I figure if I ride the tube long enough I am bound to see someone crying into their iphone that they oggled their secretary, muttering prayers under their breath; although if I ever saw that on the train I’d switch carriages and fast. Shows you the day and age we’re living in.