Friday 15 March 2013


We’ve just begun (attempting) potty training the King. I say begin, because from the looks of it, we could be in this stage for some time. I’ve been told – when one is a mother, you’re told a lot of things – that boys can take a bit longer, so I readied myself a few months ago for the onslaught that awaited me. Again, I must reiterate that I grew up amongst women, so as a mother of a boy, there were certain questions that I figured only my husband could answer (I mean, I know the King's appendage (shall we call it) doesn't steer itself, but do I have to be the one to steer it?!)

When most of the King's friends were out of nappies, I took this as as sign that it was time to point out how cool it would be to join his peers in their underwear-wearing clique. Yeah, he wasn’t so impressed. But every now and then, he’d entertain the idea of sitting on his potty and would sit there reading, eating or trying to shove his cars into it from in between his legs. Not quite the idea I was going for, but hey, at least he was sitting on it. So this past week, with his interest seemingly on the upswing (number two has of course become a total fascination, ‘let me see it mama, where is it mama? What’s thaaaaat, Mama!?) I decided to step things up a notch. Well, as much as one can with something they can’t control. Oh the delusions.

So, I decided after reading a book to him for about a week where the mighty Pirate Pete wears (under) pants, uses the potty and succeeds mightily (and very quickly I might add), we were ready to give it a go. Contrary to all the advice I was given - stay indoors being numero uno - I put some underwear on him, with a car on it of course, grabbed our little potty, and we hit the road. I was feeling rebellious, to hell with how everyone else does it. The King was on his scooter, and I was running behind him with a bag stuffed with a plastic potty, clothing, wipes, nappies and enough supplies to survive Armageddon (yes, people were laughing at me as I ran by them). Meanwhile, I sounded like a Tourette’s sufferer (mothers often do, as do toddlers) as I was saying every three seconds, ‘remember if you have to go pee-pee tell mamma. Like Pirate Pete!’ And I mean every three seconds. He of course would look at me blankly, nod and say okay mamma but something told me not to trust him. I’ve seen that look before.

So there we are, approaching the park, he’s doing his usual of pointing out every single passing truck, car, and digger and I’m saying, that’s great baby, just remember Pirate Pete, okay. He then gets off his scooter and starts walking beside me on his tippy toes. Not a good sign. This is followed by him exclaiming, 'pee pee mamma', somewhat victoriously. I happily throw all my stuff down on the pavement like a lunatic, grab the potty and lunge towards him (it is 7 degrees here at the moment, so this was not the best idea I’ve ever had) only to realize the pee pee had already happened. And trust me, the King was not thrilled by this occurrence either.

So after more positive coaching from me, and a change on a park bench (you will get some scathing looks when you're changing your kid on a bench in 7 degree weather, but screw 'em), we were off to the playground. Of course my Tourette’s was now at an all time high as I knew I only had one more dry set of clothes. 'Pirate Pete!!!' To my shock, we made it another hour at the playground, all the way home, and upon walking in the door, as the words left my mouth, 'let’s use the potty, like Pirate Peeee (!)' the King happily looked at me and said 'pee pee mamma!'  I looked down and saw another lovely puddle. Yeah, something told me he wasn’t quite grasping the concept. One more accident later (this time number two) I decided that if this potty training thing was going to work, I was going to need a lot more clothes, valium, and a garden hose.

So at the moment, he sits on his potty occasionally to do a number two, reads Pirate Pete but no longer stuffs his cars inside the potty (it's amazing how not messing up his precious cars was a quick lesson learned). I'll take that as progress.

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