A WOMAN'S WORK

There is a newspaper article just out that says that the average mom does the job of 23 professionals. I think that’s a modest estimate in my opinion. In fact, I think that any woman out there, with or without kids that lives with a man wears a large variety of hats. By the mere fact that we can multi-task means we have about eighteen balls in the air at any given time.

This study that was conducted said that the average mother starts ‘working’ at 7:16 and ends the workday at 8:41. Kind of random times, but I think they were being a bit modest on that as well. I mean most women are organizing and planning even as they lay in bed at night...when we’re alone of course. When our partners are there, we’re 100% paying attention to you. We are, I swear.

So the article did not list what professions in detail aside from a few obvious ones (cook, accountant, maid etc), but I feel bold enough, as a fellow woman and new mother to add to that list. I mean, okay we’re cooks, but we’re also dishwashers and sous chefs. You see, I’m talking about the minutiae that most forget about. A chef in a restaurant has helpers; he has a line who does the nitty gritty thankless jobs that no one wants. But women, well, we are all about the nitty gritty and if we want thanks, we're going to be waiting a long long time. You see, we don’t just cook the meal, we shop, chop, wash, dry and put away. Yes, we get help along the way – although 7 out of 10 of women in this study said they wish their partner would help more – but the help is usually under tight direction and supervision, for good reason. 

We’re also explorers and private detectives – as we often have to go hunting for that missing elusive item, i.e. the stray sock, the pair of nail clippers, the *#(@&(#@) keys or cell phone that one’s partner cannot seem to keep track of.  We’re counselors, actually scratch that, we’re psychiatrists because we administer medication and we’re nurses of course as we dole out first aid on a weekly basis. We’re chauffeurs – and pushing a pram counts for those of us that don’t have cars, especially considering my pram is the size of a Cadillac. We’re beauticians, and I’m not just talking about what we do to ourselves. Actually who has the time to brush their own hair when there are others we have to make look presentable? We’re life coaches – I’m not sure about your partners, but on a given day I can’t count how many times my partner says ‘What do you think?’ We’re interior decorators – and thank goodness for that. Leaving the home decorating to some men would mean an apartment with clothes on the floor, posters of questionable icons on the walls like Ringo Starr, old food as centerpieces, and wires, chords – that go with what I have no idea - and piles of spare change lying positively everywhere.

We are also diplomats (brokering inter family peace treaties); travel agents, tailors, sartorial advisors – “no, yellow socks do not go with your black trousers unless you are a bumblebee;” we’re dieticians – “yes if you eat 15 cookies at one sitting you will feel sick.” Were activity directors and social planners – show me any man that remembers when their child attends ballet, has a play date, or is going to dinner at the neighbor’s house and I’ll show you a unicorn; And most importantly, and exhaustively, we’re the law. We’re the ‘no you’re not wearing that; put that down; be back by eleven; be careful of such and such; not before dinner; you’re not watching that; I don’t care if your friend does it; and yes, that IS illegal' - to name a few of our policing duties.

In fact, the list of a woman’s jobs is so long I’d be here all day. This of course makes me wonder why the government is not subsidizing us, as we are so darn efficient. So when any man out there says to you, ‘bye sweetheart, I’m going to work.’ You can laugh condescendingly on the inside knowing he doesn’t know the meaning of the word.