Tuesday 22 June 2010


A doctor in South Africa, tired of seeing the devastation of women coming in after being raped, developed a condom to combat the problem called Rape-aXe. In essence, it is a female condom a woman inserts like a tampon that has teeth. You heard me. And not just any teeth, but jagged, hook-like teeth which line the inside of the condom and attach itself to the man’s unit. And the best part – it doesn’t come off without a doctor’s assistance, i.e. you’re not going anywhere buddy. You also can’t pee or walk with it on. Okay, a definite pro and con immediately springs to mind, as in as much as the man is now trapped and forced to wait till authorities get there, he’s also attached to the person who has to sit under him and figure out how the hell to get to the phone to call for help, or bash him over the head with a frying pan. Neither of these options I can imagine being an easy feat.

But in theory, I commend this doctor for at least thinking about the problem with such seriousness that she has dedicated decades of her life to coming up with this product and sold her house and car to do so. Now that’s dedication to the woman’s cause. Especially because in South Africa, the rape rate is one of the highest in the world and convictions are slim to none – frankly, I think the global convictions fall far short for this crime not to mention the time served. In my book it’s up there with murder; if you rape, you should be sharing a shower stall and a soap on a rope with Bubba for a very very long time.

Some have accused this new device as being medieval – hmmm, let me guess, male critics? I say it’s not medieval enough. I was thinking more along the lines of a tiny guillotine or cigar cutter you insert in your private area before leaving the house that if entered without permission chops the male unit right off. THWACK. ‘Oops, sir, I think you dropped something, as I kick your ass into next week.’ Or what about a condom that is laced with a heavy narcotic that knocks the assailants ass right out and then one can play homerun with a baseball bat and his head --- Fly ball!! Yes, I sound sadistic, but I think the punishment in this case fairly fits the crime. In fact, I could serve up much worse (I'm very creative), but I don’t want to scare anyone.

As the doctor in South Africa says, if this condom is widely distributed and promoted, perhaps men will think twice before assaulting a woman if they know her vajayjay contains the jaws of pain. Currently, women in South Africa go to great lengths to prevent rape, some even going as far as wrapping razor blades in sponges and inserting them. Seriously, this is what it has come to for women in certain countries to protect themselves from men?!  I fear in a country such as that, I’d turn into Rambo. I’d leave the house armed with mace, knives, a six gauge, whatever it took really so that I could go to the store and didn’t have to feel victim to these violent A-holes. You hear that men of SA (the disturbed ones; as I'm sure some of you are very lovely) you should be glad I don’t live in your neighborhood!
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