Thursday 9 July 2015


With all this talk in the press lately about nature vs. nurture and being who we’re meant to be, whether it’s gay, transgender, heterosexual, bi etc. it is easy to forget that from conception, we are simply one big recipe that thanks to our parental chefs could’ve gone either way in terms of our genetic combinations. And trust me, there are no choices in what we get, it’s a set menu if you will, like it or not.

The interesting and most ironic thing about the entire debate that most people don’t know - especially those uber male dissenters who insist that being macho is the ONLY way to define masculinity - is that we all began in the womb as female. Yes, you heard me, no matter who you are, be it a macho, beer guzzling lumberjack or a gay male dancer…or for that matter, a gay lumberjack dancer, we began in the womb as females and followed that blueprint for the first few weeks of development. Then, thanks to hormones, we progressed down one gender path or another. But when you look at it in those terms, you (hopefully) realize that not only did we all start from the same (female!) place, but it’s a fine line between masculine and feminine; furthermore, the cooking process is a bit haphazard in terms of how your human cake will turn out. Take a highly testosterone male, vs. a more metrosexual, female oriented one, it’s simply a difference in the amounts of hormones that ended up in the final product. It wasn’t chosen by your parents, it wasn’t bought, it was decided almost randomly in the womb. It just is.

For those skeptics out there that refuse to believe that in utero they were female (take that misogynists!!) let me break it down for you scientifically (with help of course). In short, we all start as a generic embryo. We have a set of female or male sex chromosomes, but the differences don’t really kick in until your hormones enter stage left. So without, say, testosterone, you would remain on the path to womanhood. So, for those of you that have not had your coffee yet, I repeat, we all start the same. It is our sex hormones that make us different in the long run. Furthermore, scientists explain that the mere existence of men’s parts emphasize that lady parts were indeed beginning to form in utero. So, you myopic, pig headed homophobes out there, get a grip, once upon a time, you too had a vagina!

The first telltale sign that men started out as women: nipples. Yes, there isn’t a day that goes by that the King doesn’t ask me what they’re for. At this point, his are just decoration. But in my belly, with the right hormones introduced, the King’s pointless nipples would have developed into potential milk machines later in life. And how happy he would’ve been, as I secretly believe that if most men had (real) boobs, they wouldn’t leave the house.

The second sign: a man’s beloved unit. During a boy baby’s development, various hormones are produced that cause the internal and external genitalia to develop differently than their female counterparts. So because of a hormone called DHT, the little bud, if you will, then grows into a penis. But without it, it would grow into a clitoris. And with the help of another hormone called MIS, it means that men won’t grow reproductive tracts. But of course, the existence of hermaphrodites is proof that sometimes the recipe isn’t as fine tuned as one thinks.

Lastly – and yes, I’m going to throw more fun biological words at you – the last sign that you males were once up for gender grabs, is that seam running down your, ahem…joystick, so to speak. In scientific terms, it’s called a raphe line, and if you didn’t have it, well, you’d have a vagina. In utero, at one point, all embryos have an opening at their genitals. Depending on the hormone contribution, the opening is either fused together (and you become a dude) or isn’t, and you ‘remain’ a woman.

So, as you can see, hormones (as I’ve always screamed from the rooftops) are the most powerful little forces out there. And of course, it’s a delicate balance and depending on how you’re marinated, so to speak, will determine how female or male you become. So all you men out there that think you’re the sh*t cause you’re oh so manly, well you started out female, so simmer down the next time you feel like railing against men who want to throw on a dress and to be frank (or Shirley) you could’ve gone either way.

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