Wednesday 12 February 2014


Tinkie, pookie, puanani, hoo-haa, vajayjay, winkie, zizzi, weenie, pooper, dangle, pee-pee, willy, flower, do-do, bits….

No this is not a new form of pig Latin; the above are of course names people have used for their private parts. I’m hoping they are more popular amongst the preschooler set, but there are plenty of adults that have given their parts special names (that's another blog I'm thinking) or at least held them over from childhood. If you have children, you will quickly stumble upon another divide within the parental set – those that use euphemisms for their kid’s private parts, and those that call it what it is. And trust me, between this divide there is a fair amount of judgment.

In our house we have always called the part the part. Whether it’s an elbow, a knee or a penis, it is what it is. I wasn’t one for baby talk with the King and I always knew that my literal brain would never be inventing a name for a part that already had a name (even though I grew up calling mine a cutesy nickname). Obviously when I taught the King the name of his private parts, I added the caveat that we don’t necessarily go down the main street hollering the words at the top of our lungs. But I tried to demystify the whole area and make it like any other. Yes, you have a penis, great, what do you want for breakfast? 

I suppose I have always been puzzled by those afraid to use the word (depending on the gender of one's child), as if it was bad or dirty or an area from which we need to hide. It seemed to me to be a direct extension of how we feel about sex as a whole and furthermore our bodies. I can’t tell you how many forums I have stumbled across where parents say they are not comfortable using such 'dirty or ugly' words as the "P and V word" (they can't even type the words on a forum!). A word for a part that is just another part on our bodies; go grab any medical journal or even a children’s body book and I can assure you, the vagina is not called a peek-a-choo. Not to mention, there are far 'uglier' words in our everyday vernacular that most people have no problem uttering when it strikes them. Of course, my way is not everyone's way; I have received a lot of stunned looks when the King says in adult company that he in fact has a penis (this is a point of pride at the moment) and he doesn’t use some cutesy name for it. This look of course intensifies when he ponies out the V word. For some reason that one causes true fear amongst adults. 

Furthermore, there is nothing more disconcerting than adult who is still calling his private parts his tickle tackle or whatever name is parents deemed it when he was young. Don’t get me wrong, there is no judgment here (judgment takes energy and I reserve mine for chasing after the King on his scooter), if you can’t bring yourself to say certain words, that’s up to you, but have you ever asked yourself why you can’t bring yourself to say them? Why particular words hold some sort of stigma over other words like, knee or earlobe. As most words that we have given too much power it comes down to exactly that, we as humans have given them power. Lobe could indeed be deemed ‘dirty’ if we all ran around giving our earlobes other monikers. "What sweet little lobey-loobs you have!"

So I dare you, go stand in the mirror and say the word vagina or penis five times (you're cringing in horror, aren't you?). I promise you, a boogieman won’t appear, nor will your Parish priest/rabbi, or what have you. The word is what it is and trust me, you have one and there is no avoiding that.  
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