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Thursday 17 October 2013

BYE BYE BABY


There is a time in every parental journey when one catches a glimpse of their young child and realizes that their pudgy-faced baby is no longer; suddenly the mere sight of cheekbones on their little faces makes one utterly depressed. It is a sobering moment I can assure you.

It’s a complicated emotion as on one hand, once your child hits three you are delighted with the fact that you can actually have conversations with them that make some sort of sense (not always I assure you) and give directions that they actually follow. Reason becomes a distinct possibility and there are even moments of rationale on your child's part that leave you speechless (the King at the moment loves to inform me that wasting food wastes money. He clearly has inherited my waste not gene; then again he was trying to shove 30 crackers into the back of his toy dump truck as he was saying this). Coupled with all the grown up tasks like dressing and feeding themselves and the King's continual mantra of 'mama, I can do it myself!'' His other very grown up preoccupation is to ask me constantly what I’m doing ‘on Saturday.’ That seems to be the chosen day at the moment, followed by what am I doing ‘next week.’ Although, he doesn't seem as interested by the answer as the question.

Making matters worse, wherever we go lately, people are remarking on how much older and adult the King looks. This of course makes me mildly cringe on the inside and want to maturely retort, NUH UH! As I then clutch my uterus wondering if it has one last go in it at my ripe old age of….oh hell, what’s in a number? Then I suddenly find myself having irrational thoughts as I ruminate over a second child (against all better judgment) and tell myself that who needs sleep, newborns are so cute and immobile; I mean really, how hard can two kids be (ha!)? Thank god, I then get a dose of reality when my friends who have small babies come over and I find myself staring at them at a total loss as to what to do with them, as I plop them on the floor in a pile of stuff hoping that will take care of the entertaining conundrum (oh how we forget what the hell we did the first time around).

Of late, it is more than evident (to my husband especially) that I am fighting the segue from baby to small person syndrome. I look through photos of the King constantly, making my husband stare at the King’s fat little face (by the 50th photo, he rolls his eyes and takes my laptop away from me); I find myself wanting to cuddle the King more, and even try to weasel my way into his bed (he will put up with this for awhile and then tells me to leave) and of course when he’s sleeping I steal every kiss he refuses to give me in his waking hours. I figure, a few more years and kisses will be a thing of the past and I’ll be the embarrassment he will make wait around the corner at school drop offs. 

Ah well, nothing some dark chocolate and baby photos can't fix.


Monday 14 October 2013

PASS THE POPCORN, IDRIS


This story is hysterical and yet altogether frightening, as are any of the best stories out there. According to a research study carried out by Cologne University, researchers discovered that movie audience members are less likely to remember ads whilst eating popcorn. Quelle Horreur!! And to think all this time, advertisers put those incredibly invasive and annoying ads before the movie even starts so that people can remember them. Here I thought it was simply to give the general public 15 extra minutes to get to the cinema. 

Apparently, as published recently in the Journal of Consumer Psychology, viewers remember brands by simulating the pronunciation of the brand name with their mouths and eating of food disrupts this process. This is serious news to me, as most of the time when an ad comes on, eating or not, I literally start screaming on the inside and implode inward. It’s a knee-jerk response to the asinine advertisements shown in cinemas (or on television for that matter).

According to the study – that is clearly sending shockwaves through the advertising community – scientists at Cologne University invited 96 people (why not 100? Why is it always some seemingly arbitrary number?) to watch a series of adverts followed by a movie. Half of the group was given popcorn, the other half a sugar cube. Why a sugar cube? I have no idea. Insulin burst perhaps? If someone handed me a sugar cube I’d probably stare at it for a while and have some flashback to my horse riding days.

It also must be noted that the research audience was predominantly German and the ads were purposely unfamiliar to them. Apparently a week after this study, the sugar cube group was invited back and showed a preference for the products in the ads shown, and yet the popcorn group did not. So in short, according to these scientific geniuses, the “mundane activity of eating popcorn made participants immune to the pervasive effects of advertising.” Well can I hear a hallelujah?! Who knew popcorn was the kryptonite for the incessant brainwashing the Ad community is attempting to orchestrate. The frightening bit of all of this? Due to the findings of the study, it has actually been suggested that the Ad community rethink allowing the general public to be served candy prior to the movie. Just think of the fascist possibilities! Because of course it’s not enough to have product placement during the two-hour film, we need to be inundated with it prior to the movie and starved of our popcorn in the process!

So listen up, brain trust think-tanks of the Scientific community and advertisers far and wide: I tell you what also turns people off advertisements…the advertisements themselves. You want me to buy a brand of butter? Screw your fancy marketing ploys and focus groups about what ad reaches the viewers more effectively. Put Idris Elba up onscreen wearing nothing but the pack of butter on his groin and trust me, I’ll remember the brand. Otherwise, up your game, stop wasting our time and get to the trailers already. And pass the popcorn while you’re at it. 


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