Tuesday 24 September 2013

Shootout at the Starbucks Corral

Starbucks recently declared themselves a no gun zone. I’m so clueless I truly forgot that in all 50 states you can carry your weapon on your person; the restrictions, or lack thereof, vary from state to state in regards to needing a license/permit to carry a concealed weapon. It’s fascinating – and terrifying - reading I assure you.

I am admittedly a coffee addict, and something about needing a caffeine fix first thing in the morning whilst carrying a gun just seems, well, like a very bad idea. Not to mention all those people out there that clearly should be drinking chamomile, the thought that they may or may not be carrying a handgun, well you see why I make my coffee at home. [Oh that’s right, I live in England, phfeeeewww]. The other daunting thought is that all those folks out there holstering their gun like John Wayne just waiting for that opportune moment to be a good guy, bringing down a bad man, with their big gun. Sounds like a macabre kid’s book, doesn’t it?

My favorite part about the Starbucks press release was its wording of course. It stated that it’s not an outright ban, but that guns, and I quote, ‘are not a part of the Starbucks experience.’ Ha! God I love PR spin. Come to think of it, d*pshits that take 20 minutes in line ordering drinks that end up having a six ingredient title are also not a part of the coffee drinking experience, or shouldn’t be anyway. Can we ban them too? (BTW, I am a coffee snob and do not drink Starbucks, but I wholly appreciate them taking a political stand on the gun issue).

Charles Shultz, the CEO and founder, stated that his company wanted to give customers "a safe and comfortable respite from the concerns of daily life". I love and appreciate this, but if we’re truly shooting for this goal, I think we’ll have to rid Starbucks of the newspapers that plaster the latest gun battle in the local shopping mall across their front pages. In fact, considering that the U.S has an estimate of 270 million guns upon its shores and the plethora of shootings that one can tally from 2013 alone, it makes me think that setting up a tent within a neighborhood Starbucks is not such a bad idea. The other interesting fact I learned is that men are five times more likely to own a gun than women. Isn’t that a shocker? All that posturing, testosterone and ego, what makes more sense than to throw a gun into the mix; hell, pour a triple espresso on top and let the good times roll! See, we women are smart, we know that once a month we can go, well, a bit left of center. But as we’re empathetic and constantly trying to nurture those around us, we know that if we hit a local Starbucks with a handgun and a bad case of PMS, shit may go down Breaking Bad style.

So, Mr. Shultz, I applaud you for your attempt to make the innocent coffee house a gun free zone. Not sure your general public (ahem, Texans) will follow your wishes, but it’s a good effort to part us Americans from our guns, even if it’s just for a coffee. 

Copyright © 2014 Anthea Anka - Delighted And Disturbed