Wednesday 4 September 2013


This one is going to make many men out there cringe in pain (and perhaps swear off reading my blog). Thought it was an amusing (& slightly sadistic) way to jump back into things after a glorious summer that felt far too short (why oh why does winter have to be so long!)

Anyway, as the story goes, a fisherman in Paris recently found a rare Brazilian fish called the Pacu in the River Seine. This scary looking fish (above) is no Nemo, I assure you and can weigh up to 25 kilos; trust me, it's not something I’d like to be trapped in a pond with any time soon. Furthermore, this sharp-toothed Piranha like fish is often called 'The Nutcracker' because, yes, you guessed it, it is known to go after men’s balls and make a meal out of them. (You’re holding them in fear, aren’t you?) According to experts, the fish is known to swim under unsuspecting individuals and take a nibble out of their family jewels, often ripping them off and swallowing them. No, I am not making this up, apparently this fish although predominantly a vegetarian, will make an exception for cajones. Scientists are not sure why, although being that this is affecting men (even in small numbers), I'm sure they will get to the bottom of it very soon. 

How the Pacu fish in question ended up in the River Seine is your typical display of humans not using their heads, or at least not thinking of their fellow male’s counterparts. Typically, when Pacu are discovered in unique places, i.e out of Brazil!, it is usually due to an owner of an exotic aquarium (you know, someone on MTV Cribs) having dumped them in a river, pond etc. when their fish has outgrown the aquarium. Cause, hell, why not just dump your pesky overgrown nut biting fish into a local pond and ignore the consequences.

When one was recently found in Denmark, a University Professor urged men countrywide to keep their pants on while swimming. Perhaps it’s just me, but encouraging men to keep their pants on in public seems like we’re stating the obvious. So all you men out there, just keep your clothes on when you’re outside whether being attacked by a wild fish or not. Okay? It's the polite thing to do.

The other thing that of course struck me about this story was who the heck is going to be crazy enough to swim in the River Seine? It’s not exactly why I take the Eurostar to Paris, I can tell you that much. A croissant and a legendary cup of coffee as I window shop down la rue du Faubourg St. Honore wishing I could afford everything...CHECK!! Swimming in a filthy river teaming with disease and fish that may mistake my sad little post childbirth boobs for men’s private parts..NO thank you.

Disturbing, eh?...Aren’t you glad I’m back. 

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