NUTS ANYONE?
This one is going to make many men out there cringe in pain (and perhaps swear off reading my blog).
Thought it was an amusing (& slightly sadistic) way to jump back into things
after a glorious summer that felt far too short (why oh why does winter have to
be so long!)
Anyway, as the story goes, a fisherman in Paris recently found a rare Brazilian fish
called the Pacu in the River Seine. This scary looking fish (above) is no Nemo, I
assure you and can weigh up to 25 kilos; trust me, it's not something I’d like to be
trapped in a pond with any time soon. Furthermore, this sharp-toothed Piranha like fish is
often called 'The Nutcracker' because, yes, you guessed it, it is known to go
after men’s balls and make a meal out of them. (You’re holding them in fear,
aren’t you?) According to experts, the fish is known to swim under unsuspecting
individuals and take a nibble out of their family jewels, often ripping them
off and swallowing them. No, I am not making this up, apparently this fish although predominantly a vegetarian, will make an exception for cajones. Scientists are not sure why, although being that this is affecting men (even in small numbers), I'm sure they will get to the bottom of it very soon.
How the Pacu fish in question ended up in the River Seine is your typical
display of humans not using their heads, or at least not thinking of their
fellow male’s counterparts. Typically, when Pacu are discovered in unique
places, i.e out of Brazil!, it is usually due to an owner of an exotic aquarium (you know, someone on MTV Cribs) having dumped them in a river, pond etc. when their fish has outgrown the aquarium. Cause, hell, why not just dump your pesky overgrown nut biting fish into a local pond and ignore the consequences.
When one was recently found in Denmark, a University
Professor urged men countrywide to keep their pants on while swimming. Perhaps
it’s just me, but encouraging men to keep their pants on in public seems like
we’re stating the obvious. So all you men out there, just keep your clothes on when you’re
outside whether being attacked by a wild fish or not. Okay? It's the polite thing to do.
The other thing that of course struck me about this story
was who the heck is going to be crazy enough to swim in the River Seine? It’s
not exactly why I take the Eurostar to Paris, I can tell you that much. A
croissant and a legendary cup of coffee as I window shop down la rue du
Faubourg St. Honore wishing I could afford everything...CHECK!! Swimming in a filthy
river teaming with disease and fish that may mistake my sad little post childbirth boobs for men’s private parts..NO thank you.
Disturbing, eh?...Aren’t you glad I’m back.