Tuesday 18 June 2013


A recent story has been making the international rounds about the art mogul, Charles Saatchi and his wife, Nigella Lawson, a famous chef here in England (and now soon to be in the United States). In short, for those of you not bit by the viral media bug, they were photographed having lunch a few weeks back at an outside table and were in mid argument. During this fight he put his hands around her throat several times and pinched her nose (it was not a playful little tweak I assure you, and she looks like a berated child as he twists the end of it). She is clearly crying in the photographs and looks visibly upset. And the kicker, in the midst of all this, the other patrons in the restaurant as well as the staff (and the photographer) just sit there and watch this all take place. Cause why do something when you can just sit there like a bunch of lazy sods and watch a woman get choked at the next table over.

There are truly so many things about this story that disturb me it’s hard to know which one to start with, but let’s go with the obvious. Ladies, if a man (any man)..your husband of 10 years (as in the case of Saatchi), your boyfriend, the flipping bus driver, I mean anyone, puts his hands around your neck in the middle of an argument, HE’S THE WRONG man. Secondly, if you let this said man put his hands around your neck, and you just sit there doing nothing instead of slugging him in the jaw like Jason flipping Bourne, you need to have a long, serious conversation with yourself. You’re a woman. You’re profoundly powerful. Get in touch with that feeling, figure out how to put your self esteem back in order (I’m not saying this is easy, it’s a journey, but one very worth taking) and get the hell out of there.

The pig, aka Charles Saatchi (thought this new moniker had a nice ring to it) issued a statement following the incident and said, and I quote (cause I couldn’t make this stuff up), they were just having ‘a playful tiff’ and he was just ‘emphasizing his point’ (with his hands around her neck) during their argument. I’m thinking that point was, I’m a pig and I like to choke women in broad daylight. He also claims that they made up soon thereafter and his wife was only crying cause she doesn’t like to fight (or be humiliated in public by her pig husband who was choking her). The even sadder fact is that apparently they often fight like this and their friends say they have a very 'passionate' relationship. Oh my god, do I hate this euphemism when used to describe a relationship. Flamenco dancing is passionate. The English Patient is passionate. A man's hands around your throat is not passion people, it's violence. 

The police were obviously alerted to the photographs and questioned Mr. Saatchi, who attempted to calm the waters by valiantly saying (that is sarcasm people, please know that it’s sarcasm) that he volunteered to talk to the police about the pithy incident (his sentiments not mine) and that his wife had filed no complaint. He was of course let off with a caution because he’s a billionaire white man dining at a posh restaurant and god forbid they ruffle the very rich waters. Sorry am I sounding jaded? Cause I'm thinking that if we saw 'John Q Minority Public' choking his wife at KFC, trust me, there would be some serious shit coming down from ol’ Scotland Yard.  

His wife, by the way, has left their marital home with her two children (from another marriage). I am praying this is because she's finally seen reason. I mean honestly, what must those poor children be thinking and feeling in regards to their mother and how she lets herself be treated is beyond me (King, please take note, I will never put you in this position). Am I judging, yes, for certain. But when it comes to domestic violence, for me there is no shade of gray. There is no, 'he just did this or he just did that, but he really didn’t mean it.' There is no, 'he was choking me, but his grip wasn’t that hard.' There is only, a wrong and a right, and any man laying a hand on a woman, well I’m hoping you know what box that falls in. So Mr. Saatchi, my advice to you, spend less money on overpriced, over-hyped art installations and more on a damn good shrink. Cause boy do you need it. 

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