FOR PINT, TURN LEFT
Recently there was a
consumer electronics show, or to those in the know, CES, held in Las Vegas,
Nevada highlighting all the latest advancements in, well consumer electronics.
You know that all-important, prodigious list of things that apparently we can no
longer live without: televisions, computers, handheld devices, smartphones and
so on. Apparently, joining this ever growing list, we should all ready ourselves for the next wave of
electronics vying to take over our lives, which is
wearable technology. Yes, we are one step closer to becoming a Stanley Kubrick
film. God help us.
First up to bat, Google
lit up the Internet of late (an easy feat when you are the juggernaut Google
I’m presuming) with their soon to be released ‘Project Glass headset.’ This headset
is pretty much designed to not only make the Facebook generation look like
freaks as they walk around with headsets on like a bunch of tech addicted
coal-miners, but it also ensures that our narcissism will hit the roof in no
time at all (then again, I think we crashed through that ceiling long ago) as we will be able to document our lives from every solitary angle.
Anyway, I shall put my
jaded sensibilities aside and tell you how this fancy little gadget is (apparently) going to improve your life. In short, you put on this tiny little
headset on and a tiny widescreen color monitor hovers over your field of vision
(can't you just see our sidewalks/pavements now – oh the amount of idiots running
into one another will be sheer amusement!) and it enables you to stream and
record video. You know, to capture EVERY single moment of your waking (and I’m
sure soon to be dreaming) life to bore your friends and colleagues with. The
company assures us however that the technology does not stop there. Soon enough
you will be able to say to your trusty little headset, ‘I need a pint of ale (vodka, tequila etc), where can I
find one?’ And presto, the app kicks in, the camera does whatever it does and
an arrow appears showing you which way to walk. (I’m anticipating the usual
malfunctions in line with those rife in sat-nav devices that will have people
walking into walls). Or, if you find yourself in France and can’t read the menu,
apparently this little headset will translate the menu for you. Can’t you just
imagine the sheer enjoyment of the French as they watch tourists wearing their fashionable little headsets slaughtering their beloved language?
Other gadgets from CES
soon to hit our markets are visors for athletes which will have in built
displays that show (for example) a runner’s speed, heart rate, lap time,
distance traveled etc.; as well as ‘smart watches’ that will essentially
provide alerts, messages and reminders that one can wear on their wrist. Why
one needs a watch on their wrist and a phone in their pocket/hand that does the
exact same thing, is beyond me, but for the tech junkies out there, I’m sure
the more devices they can hold or stick on their bodies the better.
The other bit of
technology that I will admit does hold a bit of my interest is a lost and found
device the size of a coin that one can stick on their pet, kid, husband. This
device contains a Bluetooth chip, temperature sensor and battery and in
conjunction with your smartphone app, one can then look at a radar image
covering a 200ft radius to find the lost item/person/toddler/animal. As the King often likes to take off
running in public places and hide under things, not to mention the husband is
ALWAYS losing things this one may come in handy. In fact, I could just stick stickers all over his
things so he can play ‘Minority Report lost and found’ and locate anything he
wants without having to ask me. Now there is an advancement I can get behind!