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Friday 30 November 2012

THE PISA KING


The days that the King has nursery he and I walk the mile route to the school. I love these walks (when he’s behaving of course, otherwise it can be a very long mile); he often sings, we car and truck spot, we talk about his teachers (well, let’s be honest, his heart shines for one of them in a serious way and he tries to mention her as much as possible) and of late, he’s started playing a game where he leans forward or sideways and pretends that he’s sleeping until I stop the pram, walk to the front, and then he bursts out laughing.

Anyway, today it was freezing (so I was walking quickly and wanting to get there already) and he was in the midst of doing his sideways lean thing. A woman was walking with her friend coming towards us. Suddenly, she was right in my face and said, ‘please sit him up.’ Just like that. I looked at her, of course taken aback, as did the King (no one but no one interrupts his games) and said, ‘excuse me?' She repeated, ‘sit him up please, you need to sit him up right now.’ Oh sister, are you really ordering a tired mother in the middle of a move who has been up since 4am to do something?

It didn’t take me long to remind her who actually was in charge of the King and it was certainly NOT she. I then told her that there was nothing wrong with my child (he just likes leaning alright!), on the contrary he was in the middle of a game, and she should mind her own flipping business. I left the last part out because to be honest, my insomnia often means that my brain doesn’t work as fast as it should. Of course as soon as she had walked away I told the King what I really thought of her invading our personal space.

It of course got me thinking about how we as a culture perhaps need to start minding our own business (in some areas of course; there are other areas where I think we may need to pay more attention, but that’s another blog for another day) just a tad more. Now, if there was something wrong with my child, and this woman was concerned and wanted to ask me if he was okay, that’s one thing. [Although what kind of mother would I be if I didn’t notice my child falling out of his pushchair]. But to just walk up to a person and issue a vehement order, I’m thinking that is something we need to quash immediately. Think about all the issues and arenas out there at the moment where many people truly believe their opinions are not only tantamount to all else, but it is their business (and god given right) to make it OUR business....Politics. Reproductive rights (MY business not yours). Religion. Who we date and choose to marry (if you are even granted that right). Seriously the list is so long it may induce a migraine.

In fact, wouldn’t it be so refreshing if everyone just kept their eyes on their own page – there are the obvious exceptions that I’m thinking don’t need mentioning – and just got on with it? You want to vote Republican, carry a gun and not get an abortion. Fantastic. Go to it. And if your neighbor wants to do the complete opposite, zip the lip people and let them get on with it to.

And if the King wants to ride in his pram like the leaning tower of Pisa, get the heck out of our path and let the kid have his fun.

Happy Friday.




Monday 26 November 2012

SAY WHAT YOU MEAN


I was having lunch with a good friend the other day and we were remarking that there is a serious lack of people that we know that actually say what they mean. I mean really say it. I mentioned to him that I knew a guy back in university that used to do just that and it would make me literally hide under the table when he was that honest with people. He didn’t sugar coat, he didn’t mince, he just said exactly what he meant even if it didn’t sit well with its recipients. If a person said to him, 'good seeing you, we should exchange numbers and get together,' he would look at them and tell them (relatively politely, but very matter of fact) that he didn’t think so as he had no intention of calling them. Trust me, this was always followed by a significant silence.

As much as one could judge this person for being too honest, or too brash with his delivery, in essence he was simply doing what people just don’t do anymore. He was saying exactly what he meant. These days, an honest answer or a frank conversation is hard to come by. Often it’s mired in politeness or political correctness, or even sheer laziness – ‘seriously, can’t you tell her that she’s nuts?? I don’t have time!’

Even our colloquial speech is riddled with non-direct, misleading, non-specific phrases that really don’t say what we mean (or mean what we say). ‘I’ll be there in a minute.” Really? Will you? Cause I know that when I tell the King he can go outside in a minute when it’s 6am I definitely don’t mean it (‘soon’ just never cuts it with him). Or what about when you tell someone they look great and they don’t, or you love their haircut (but are really trying to figure out how they left the house without a bag on their head). You’re just being polite or sparing them from your real thoughts, which are usually,' you look tired and damn you’ve aged since I last saw you' (of course there are many times when they do look great, but we’re not talking about that now are we?). But you wouldn’t say that cause it’s just rude. Then again, the fact that we’re all walking around not saying what we really mean – at times – is also pretty rude and deceptive if you really think about it.

Back to this friend and I, we have a pretty honest relationship, and he will happily – or not so happily – tell you that with him I can often be too honest. I tell him when he’s wearing an outfit that will never get him a woman, or when I think he needs to cut his hair, or when he’s being dysfunctional (this speaks from experience) and needs to sort it out. I’m sure he’s thrilled to have me in his life. But I will happily admit that he’s one of the most refreshing friendships I have based on the fact that I can always tell him what’s on my mind. And for the most part, I try to seek out people that can handle the truth. Those that cannot take a lot of energy and handholding, I can tell you that much.

So I dare you; this week, try it. I will too in fact, cause I’m certainly very guilty of playing the diplomat and choosing the path of least resistance when it comes to communication. Every time you speak to someone this week, say what you mean. What you mean exactly. Don’t sugar coat it, if it doesn’t need to be. Obviously don’t get punched in the mouth by telling the wrong person your opinion but just try to speak from a place of genuine honesty. Even if you feel like telling the bank teller that you wish she would not talk so much to the other customers when the line is half a mile long.

You know, be Larry David (if you’re not a fan, GET on board already) for the week. I have a feeling he feels unencumbered and pretty damn liberated most of the time.

HAPPY MONDAY all.


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