Friday 10 August 2012

iKIDNEY

Nine people are on trial in Southern China for helping a teenager sell one of his kidneys so that he could buy an iPad and an iPhone. I’m sure that is NOT what Steve Jobs had in mind when it came to product loyalty. The teen in question is now suffering renal failure after selling his kidney and his attorney (and irate mother who I’m hoping rapped her son upside the head for being so stupid) is requesting compensation to the tune of 2.2 million Yuan (roughly 300 grand).

One of the defendants, and the apparent ringleader, was a gambling addict who apparently recruited others to help him look for donors in Internet chat rooms. Ah yes, yet another reason to put hefty parental controls on all your computers. Apparently the proceeds from the sale of this teen’s kidney were all split evenly between the nine in question, and with the teenager's ‘earnings,’ for lack of a better word, he went out and bought a bunch of Apple products. Forgive me for sounding callous, but it’s China. Couldn’t he have gotten a ton of rip off products for half the price and saved himself from getting cut into? A fair question I think.

Of course it's hard not to read a story like this and ask oneself if our society has gone way too far in terms of our dependence and addiction to our electronic devices (you think?!). I mean seriously people, selling your organs for anything is certifiable; let alone selling one for a product that has a two year shelf life because another model that doesn’t have all the kinks that yours does is coming out in a matter of days! (And I’m a loyal Apple user, but HELLO, fix the antennae on the damn iPhone already).

The scary part of the human race is – oh is that a loaded statement – that we are getting more and more attached to our stuff. Many of us are driven by stuff. Our society markets ‘stuff’ like heroin and at every turn convinces us that our lives will be better if we have more stuff in it, better stuff, newer stuff, stuff with super flashy packaging guaranteed to make you happier. And the frightening part of it is, if kids aren’t pining after X boxes or the latest pair of sneakers, they’re selling their kidneys for the latest technological gadgetry.

And my dear husband wonders why I fight tooth and nail to keep the King from getting his eager little hands on any sort of electronic or video gaming device.(It’ll be hot wheel cars until you’re ten years old my friend!) It’s bad enough he touches the television and tries to move the screen with his little finger thinking it's like mommy's phone. Now, I’d like to think that I’m raising a child that won’t be compelled to sell his organs further down the line, but I’m sure the mother of this teenager didn’t think her child would go to such great lengths to keep up with the latest technology.

In fact, I think someone should nationalize a holiday where everyone must put down their devices: phones, laptops, Gameboys (or whatever is hip these days, I don’t have a clue) and just UNPLUG. In fact, maybe on this day it should be law to get outside, get some fresh air, and go read a book….one with actual paper pages!

Ah, a girl (with all her organs, typing on a laptop) can dream.

Wednesday 8 August 2012

BECAUSE I SAID SO!

When you become a parent, something very strange and unsettling happens. Suddenly all those things your parents used to say - okay, NOT all, but some - begin to make sense. You know those gems they used to toss out in your youth that would make you stop and say, ‘Huh? What the heck does that mean?’ [Like when my mother would ask me 'is this how you'd behave if the Queen was over for dinner?!' Oh how I appreciate her Englishness now, I truly do]. Or those statements that would illicit a vociferous, petulant grunt from you and an eye roll – usually in one’s teenage years - and cause you to swear on that very spot that you would never ever say the same thing to your child when you became a parent.

AH, the circle of life.

Numero uno of my mother’s parental gems that used to drive me bonkers (and yet I now use): ‘Because I said so.’ Oh how this used to make me crazy. Because I said so; it was just so infuriatingly final, no discussion, no negotiation, and no room to think of a hundred excuses why you just had to do this or that. Once that statement was unfurled, the discussion was over. And yet NOW, OH how I love that phrase – and will continue to love it with every passing year. I’m not even sure the King understands what the heck I’m saying and certainly can’t talk back in a majorly coherent manner, but I happily trot it out and wield my parental power with that nostalgic gem. And what have the two years of parenting taught me about this phrase? Why, it’s sheer genius and makes me understand my mother (and mothers world over) all the more. Because what ‘Because I said so’ really means is, I’m tired. I feel old and weary, and I don’t have to give you an excuse as to why you can’t eat your shoes, or jump off the sofa, or wear Mommy’s bra to the playground (even though there are many), because I’m your mother and I said so, end of story.

The next verbal gem I find myself using with my mother’s British tones ringing in my ears: “you know better than that.” Yes, at two the King certainly doesn’t – or he does, but that phrase in its non-specificity is certainly not going to stop him from trying to dive off the sofa and land on the coffee table; but it doesn’t stop me pretending, or hoping that he does no better and I can just leave it at that. Let’s be honest, when most kids hear this phrase, they either don’t’ know better, don’t want to know better, or know better but just don’t care. Yes, it sadly is that simple, especially when the King hits his teenage years and gets up to all sorts of mischief. I can almost hear myself now hollering, ‘Come on King (by then I’m assuming I’ll use his real name), you know better than that?!’

My other favorite: “I’m very disappointed in you.” Can I tell you how many times I heard this in my youth when I got in trouble? I swear to you, it was worse than being yelled at. In fact, in it’s muted way, it was one of the strongest things that my mother could say to me (NOTE to any parent: it must also be accompanied with THAT disappointed look. The look is everything) because you weren’t just in trouble, you didn’t just screw up, you let her down, and she expected more of you. At the moment, disappointed doesn’t quite feel strong enough for when the King thinks it’s funny to go darting into the road like a Tasmanian devil. Mommy isn’t exactly disappointed per se. Mommy is scared out of her wits that a ten-ton lorry is going to turn you into a pancake. But I’m sure I’ll have plenty of opportunity to practice my ‘disappointed’ stare as the years march forward.

Then there are the little idiosyncrasies or habits (if you will) of my mother’s, that I never quite understood when I was kid, but boy are they crystal clear now. When we were driving in the car, she would always have the windows down, or at least her window. It would of course blow air all around the car and in my face and drive my sister’s and me crazy. Then just as we thought we had hit the ‘unfair (!)’ limit she would turn off the radio and say ‘that’s enough!’ We’d always think she was being a dreadful bore, as she was not finding singing to Rita Coolidge as fantastic as we did (it was the 70’s people). And of course, years on, I get it. OH I GET IT. Bizarrely as you age, suddenly you need the windows open. I am not sure if it’s to keep you awake (my mom had five kids, I’m gathering she was very very tired) or to remind you that there’s a world out there and yet you’re stuck in a car playing chauffeur, but now I can’t enter a room, or any moving vehicle without a window open. As for the music, where once there was no understanding, now it is crystal clear. My mom had five kids. Silence was nonexistent. The woman clearly did not want to add any more noise into her brain. I have one kid and my dream vacation is locking myself in a dark soundproof closet with a duvet and a bottle of wine.

So you see, it does all go full circle. I suppose this is why most grandmothers always have that blissed out, amused look on their faces. Not only do they know they can give their grandkids back at the end of the day, but they hear their own children having to dole out the discipline just like they did – often using the exact same phrases - and it must amuse them to no end.

HAPPY HUMP DAY MOM (p.s. I’m wearing my slippers)

Monday 6 August 2012

OLYMPIC FEVER

At the moment in our house we are experiencing full throttle Olympic fever. I will admit, the mild (ahem) cynic in me was slightly concerned that the Games would take over our fine city in an annoying and congestive way. To the contrary it has brought an incredible spirit to London and what’s even better, emptied the place out of all its residents who feared being taken over by tourists.

For starters, the fact that the whole world comes together for something positive (fine, there are a few bad apples trying to spoil the barrel - yes I'm talking to you China Badminton team) is simply awe inspiring. Two hundred and four countries, and nearly eleven thousand athletes from all over the world come together to celebrate some healthy competition, hard work, and unbelievable talent. Even the cynical at heart have to love that.

Not to mention, you truly get to feel the struggle of these athletes that have been working for so long, sacrificing everything - and for some, it comes down to just a short moment in time (as some athletes only have one event. Can you imagine that?! Four years for one single event?) - that means absolutely everything to them. When an athlete false starts and gets disqualified I have been known to shed actual tears. Come on, what’s a little false start for god sakes in light of four years of training. Four years, people! The sheer emotion in these athletes – not to mention the graciousness when they win or lose – is palpable. I thought the British rowing duo was going to have to be hospitalized after winning the silver medal not from exhaustion, but sheer devastation that they did not bring home the gold. You wanted to hug them through the television set. (It turns out one of them had to be carried off from exhaustion, so I suppose it was a bit of both).

It goes without saying that watching the Olympics is quite an inspirational affair. Never have I felt so out of shape and compelled to go running around my park in my life. And of course after watching the men run the 10,000-meter race, I woke up the other morning and did just that. Okay fine, I only made it 3 miles (they run 100 miles a week in training apparently) and almost hurled up my cereal, but damn it, I felt inspired. And of course watching the juggernauts like the U.S and China battle their way towards gold is an awesome sight (GO USA), but it’s the smaller countries that I find so much more intriguing. The countries like Bhutan with only two athletes proudly flying their flag, or the countries like Saudi Arabia who are finally permitting female athletes to compete (okay, that statement also makes me shudder, but hey, baby steps at this point). Or the South African runner with prosthetic legs who runs alongside the fastest men in the world. Seriously, if this doesn't inspire you to do something, anything, I don't know what will!

The other thing about the Olympics is that you learn about sports you never even knew existed, like trampolining and...the human Steeple Chase. Yes, I seriously thought this was only done with people on horseback. Not to mention the sports you knew very little about: archery, table tennis, the hammer....oh the list is long. This also inspires my husband and I to sit on our sofa and discuss which sport we could’ve had a shot in if we had really tried (oh the laughter). It’s bicycle sprinting for him (with his legs, I actually believe him) and for me, power-walking for sure – yes it is a sport if you can believe it. Apparently we both missed our calling, but of course all our hopes now rest on the King. At the moment, I’m feeling the javelin or the hammer for him, as this kid can hurl things an incredible distance.

And the best part of the Olympics is that I not only get to root for America but England as well – who btw is doing incredibly well for the size of the country (they are third in the medal count and yet can fit into the state of California three times). I figure after all the years of rooting for tennis and football teams where I come up in the losing category (except yesterday, MURRAY YOU ACE!!!!), some Olympic gold feels pretty darn good.

HAPPY MONDAY ALL.

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