Wednesday 24 October 2012


[One from the archive folks. New blog tomorrow!]

Do you ever hear of a news story that makes you think, wow, humanity is truly victim to its own stupidity and we are essentially doomed? Who am I kidding, that’s every news-cycle. I just came across a story that made me want to run from my laptop screaming. Not because it is macabre, or emotionally upsetting, but simply because I can’t believe it has come to this.

A company in England (and one in Japan; Japan is always first you realize) has created game consoles for the public urinal controlled by, you got it, a man’s urine. Yes, you heard me. Apparently men spend 55 seconds on average in front of the urinal and that is simply too much time to sit with one’s thoughts whilst staring at one’s shoes (or envying the man next to you – oh go on, you know this takes place).

Basically this hands free device (cause touching anything would just be gross) has a console above the urinal and then by use of infra-red sensors at the bottom of the urinal and a man aim for marked targets by peeing on them with his own joystick, if you will. Yes, it is that crass. The games consist of a skiing game and a pub quiz. I’m sure they are fast developing about 300 more games as we speak (who needs to cure cancer when we have people hard at work creating urinal consoles). Once a man has finished playing (and peeing), they can post their scores to twitter and a live leader board. Cause what would make your mother more proud then you getting the high score playing a urinal game. Oh King, how I pray you aspire for higher accomplishments.

The console is also going to be used for advertising, be it the bar that you’re using the toilet in, or various food or drink possibilities. Cause we are truly not safe from advertising anywhere.

The thing is this, I get it, we’re a highly technological culture that is steps away from living like some bad sci-fi film, but if you can’t spend 55 seconds on your own with your thoughts in the bathroom then I’m not even sure what to say to that. Furthermore, the bathroom is the last place I want to spend time, especially a public restroom. Ewwwwww. Sorry eloquence escapes me.

Not to mention, you think couples fight now because of a PlayStation at home, can you imagine the public arguments cause Mr. Video game junky can’t leave the public restroom while his family waits outside for him [cause you know they will never have some advancements in the women’s toilet. We don’t even get more than two stalls. Puuuhleaeease]. 

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