10 THINGS
I saw an article on CNN that said, “15 Things Not to Say to
Someone who has RA” (Rheumatoid Arthritis). For those of you pining to know,
“oh, my grandmother has it,” is at the top of the list. Apparently for those in
their thirties who have it, this is very tiresome to hear. This article caught
my eye of course because I love lists. I especially love lists that explain
what not to say on certain subjects as there are so many tactless individuals
out there that are in desperate need of some guidance. In fact, I think there
should be a lot more lists out there to guide those failing in the verbal
editing department, but that’s me.
So of course, as you knew I would, I thought of a few lists
that I thought should be put out there for contention. Numero Uno – 10 things
Not to Say To A Mother (seemed apropos to my life):
1 1. Why
are you so tired? – Seriously, this is up there with you look fat. Don’t ask
why we look tired. The reasons are lengthy and profound. Just nod, say we look
beautiful and walk the other way.
2. What
do you do all day? – Again, we do plenty; more than plenty. We certainly do not
want to justify it, explain it, or relive it.
3. You
really should control/quiet your child? – This one needs no explanation aside
from mind your own business.
4. It’s
so unfair to have just one child. (See above)
5. Isn’t
that funny, my child has always slept SO well. (Seriously, keep this to yourself).
6. (Furthermore)
You look good for someone with a child. (And you look good for someone with
your foot in your mouth)
7. Your
child is huge. (And so is your mouth. Pipe down)
8. I
knew a “name of your child” in school. He was such an a**hole.
9. I
thought labor was a breeze, what about you. (Oh button it, no one likes a show
off)
10. I
can’t believe you’re traveling with a child, that is so unfair to the rest of
us. (Don’t get me started)
Let’s see, another list for you men out there that you may
want to reference from time to time that will keep you out of trouble: 10
Things Not to Say to Your Girlfriend:
1. Are
you really going to wear that? (Well, I wasn’t sure before, but now,
definitely)
2. You
look really tired (this one works for anyone really. Just take it OUT of your
everyday conversation. Period)
3. Those
pants/dress/shirt/tank-top/jumpsuit makes your ass look fat. (I repeat, nothing
on us looks fat, never, ever ever)
4. You’re
getting your period, aren’t you?
5. Sorry
babe, but I forgot your birthday.
6. Let’s
just stay in, order a curry and watch Tottenham play Man U (really, you can put
any two teams in there and it will work)
7. We’re
moving in with my mother.
8. I
think time moves so much quicker at your age (yes, my partner actually said
this to me, god bless him
9. Oh,
sorry, I forgot (seriously, you have to do better than this blanket excuse).