DR. SLEEPGOOD

I saw a billboard off the freeway the other day (I’m in Yankland now, freeway is replacing motorway) that advertised a dentist in which you sleep through the appointment – the actual appointment, not a nap in the waiting room as per usual. I believe he refereed to himself as the Dream Dentist and advertised that with no shots or sedatives, you would sleep through the appointment; cause well, who doesn’t hate the dentist.

I’m not sure what exactly this dentist gives his patients to sleep, be it enough laughing gas to kill a cow or three bottles of Jack Daniels, but there was something disconcerting about a medical professional advertising to put his patients to sleep. When it comes to going to the dentist, I kind of want to know what the he is getting up to with his enamel slicing drills and keep an eye on any weird teeth extracting fetishes he may have. Yes, I've seen far too many movies and have a very active imagination - are you just figuring this out now?

However, saying this, the offer of sleep to avoid any undue stress or discomfort sounds mighty attractive and for most of us out there, I’m gathering the avoidance of pain is right up there on the wish list. Labor for example, epidural, epishmural…just knock my ass out next time (there will be no next time!) and tell me what sex my bouncy baby bundle is when I come to. Thirty two hours of labor did not do anything to me except exhaust the hell out of me and make me think I was wearing one of the Queen's guards hats - don't ask.

This billboard also made me think about all the things one would elect to sleep through if at all possible. Airline travel tops the list for sure (I can’t sleep on planes, so in this case, I would definitely need a doctor standing by with a bottle of Propofol), followed closely by bumper to bumper traffic – this one is tricky as you would need someone else to drive the car – a barium enema, a toddler’s early years…I kid I kid.

I think for many, the list of things one would like to sleep through would be atrociously long – and let’s be honest, there are many things we sleep through anyway (piano recitals, opera, bad first dates). This of course is a slightly cynical statement on the daily vicissitudes of life, but let’s be honest, being awake to do the laundry and grocery shopping just seems cruel and pointless. Why not save the waking hours for the good stuff, the vacations, the first steps your child takes, a sunset…who needs to really be alert and proactive at the post office when the line is going to rob you of hours of your life.

Happy Hump Day.