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Wednesday 13 July 2011

OH SHELLY


Michele Bachmann oh it’s such early days and you’re already starting to annoy me. The Minnesotan Congresswoman and Neo-con presidential candidate…sorry, Republican candidate has described herself as a “small business job creator.” Under this umbrella is the Christian counseling service her and her husband have created and promote proudly. But this isn’t the annoying part; in the past five years they have faced accusations of using a controversial therapy to encourage homosexuals to change their sexual orientation. 
Seriously, we are STILL here. Is everyone as bored by this insane and deluded bigotry as I am? I doubt it’s a surprise to anyone, but this whole quest to try and convert homosexuals onto the righteous straight path (this is sarcasm people) makes as much as sense to me as trying to ‘de-color’ people or change cats into dogs.
In short, cause that is simply all I can spare on the specifics of her ‘clinic,’ former patients were told that God would perform a miracle and they would no longer be gay.  Therapy programs consisting of prayer, bible readings and mentoring by former lesbian ministers were administered in hopes of converting these stray naughty sheep back into the pure and pious fold.
Of course the Bachmann’s have refuted all this, but Michele Bachmann has already been a vocal and staunch opponent to gay marriage and has been quoted in calling gays deviants, child abusers, and predators against our children. In short, she’s a deranged wackjob. Sorry, but his simply can’t be sugarcoated.
So this is what puzzles me, since when did us heterosexuals get such a great rap? I mean, the majority of violent crimes against women are by heterosexual men; straight men relentlessly cheat on their spouses (yes, Bachmann, even in your utopian neighborhood), they abuse their children, hit their wives, drink, smoke, do drugs, and fill our prisons in hideous numbers. And yet, homosexuals are painted as the abnormal deviants that need fixing? Not to mention, has Shelly – as I like to call her – looked at the divorce rate lately? In fact, has anyone opposed to gay marriage looked at the divorce rate. In sobering terms, it’s pathetic. We straights of the world certainly can’t get it right, so why are we the paradigm of the perfect marriage? We suck at it. Let’s move on and give someone else a chance.
I don’t know about you, but if I was homosexual I would be good and tired of listening to this whole tired debate. How would the straight folk of the world feel if they were constantly told they needed ‘curing.’ In fact, maybe it’s far time the homosexual community stand up, hit the political trail and start pointing out all the ways us straight idiots fall short of moral and appropriate behavior. In fact, I don’t think there are enough days in the year, or years in a life to cover all the immoral ground we manage to soil.
 So Michele, stop trying to cure people in the name of God. I have a feeling if God is up there he would tell you to start being a real ‘Christian’ and stop throwing stones, judging others and discriminating against your fellow human beings. And if that all fails, change yourself instead of trying to change others.

Monday 11 July 2011

PARTY TIME


Yesterday I attended my four-year-old nephew’s birthday party. I’m still recovering, and anyone that has kids, or has attended such an event, knows exactly what I’m talking about. 
There is the heat, the noise, the high quantities of sugar, the screaming, yelling...and I'm just talking about the adults (just kidding).

Now, to paint the appropriate picture, my sister can throw a mean party. I mean, she leaves no detail unattended to and turns out a party that can rival the Royal Wedding in stature, precision and execution. We are all in awe at her ability to plan and carry out such an event without batting an eyelash. This is the kind of girl that if there is a way to color coordinate the decorations to the sky, grass and cake, she'll figure out how to do it.

I suppose I’m especially in awe because when it comes to the King’s first birthday, which is right around the corner, I’ll be impressed if I can round up some balloons and a cupcake, let alone a full range of interesting activities, a man that whips up frozen margueritas and tacos, two sports activity leaders that clearly had a case of red bull each before they arrived at the party, and an arts and crafts table with drawing, face painting and someone to sort out your stock portfolio. Four year olds are so advanced these days. :-)

But of course, the thing I love most about kid’s birthday parties is watching the parents interact as they try to survive several hours of wild youngsters hopped up on too much sugar and stimulation. There are the parents that take a seat with a cool drink in their hand, let their kid off their proverbial leash and pretty much don’t get up till the kid has cake in its hair, chlorine pruned skin and that glazed look in their eye that says they’ve hit maximum overload. Then of course there are the parents that look like they’re having more fun than their kids are. They are in the pool, getting their face painted with a rocket across their cheek, eating their body weight in birthday cake, and pretty much reliving their birthday party youth. 

As for the King, he made his entrance yesterday after his nap and proceeded to toddle around naked - the child's backside is huge topic of discussion as it resembles two large peaches under a blanket (simply divine), steal food off people’s plates (he does this with a charming smile and hence gets away with it), pee on my sister’s foot – she loved that - and then tried to climb in the plastic tub of Corona bottles. You know, not far off from what some adults do at parties. The kid truly knows how to get his party on.
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