I saw an article on CNN that said, “15 Things Not to Say to Someone who has RA” (Rheumatoid Arthritis). For those of you pining to know, “oh, my grandmother has it,” is at the top of the list. Apparently for people in their thirties who have it, this is very tiresome to hear. This article caught my eye of course because I love lists. I especially love lists that explain what NOT to say on certain subjects as there are so many tactless individuals out there that are in desperate need of some guidance. In fact, I think there should be a lot more lists out there to guide those failing in the verbal editing department, but that’s me.
So of course, as you knew I would, I thought of a few lists that I thought should be put out there for contention. Numero Uno – "10 Things Not to Say To A Mother" (seemed apropos to my life):
1. 1. Why are you so tired? – Seriously, this is up there with you look fat. Don’t ask why we look tired. The reasons are lengthy and profound. Just nod, say we look beautiful and walk the other way.
2. 2. What do you do all day? – Again, we do plenty; more than plenty. We certainly do not want to justify it, explain it, or relive it.
3. 3. You really should control/quiet your child? – Um, and you need to mind your own business.
4. 4. It’s so unfair to have just one child. (See above)
5. 5. Isn’t that funny, my child has always slept SO well. (Seriously, keep this to yourself).
6. 6. You look good for someone with a child...And you look good for someone with your (or my) foot in your mouth
7. 7. Your child is huge. (And so is your mouth. Pipe down)
8. 8. I knew a “name of your child” in school. He was such an a**hole.
9. 9.I thought labor was a breeze, what about you. (Oh button it, no one likes a show off)
10 10. I can’t believe you’re traveling with a child, that is so unfair to the rest of us. (Don’t get me started)
Let’s see, another list for you men out there that you may want to reference from time to time that will keep you out of trouble: "10 Things Not to Say to Your Girlfriend:"
1. 1. Are you really going to wear that? (Well, I wasn’t sure before, but now, definitely)
2. 2. You look really tired (this one works for anyone really. Just take it OUT of your everyday conversation. Period)
3. 3. Those pants/dress/shirt/tank-top/jumpsuit makes your ass look fat. (I repeat, nothing on us looks fat, never, ever ever)
4. 4. You’re getting your period, aren’t you?
5. 5. Sorry babe, but I forgot your birthday.
6. 6. Let’s just stay in, order a curry and watch Tottenham play Man U (really, you can put any two teams in there and it will work)
7. 7. We’re moving in with my mother.
8. 8. I think time moves so much quicker at your age (yes, my partner actually said this to me, god bless him
9. Oh, sorry, I forgot (seriously, you have to do better than this blanket excuse).
10. She’s hot. (Word to the wise, unless the woman you’re pointing out to us is on fire, it’s better left unsaid).
God I love lists, I could seriously do this all day.