Friday 16 September 2011


Do you ever come across one of those inventions that kind of make sense, and you think to yourself, damn maybe they’re on to something (only then to realize that the item will probably just end up in your garage in six weeks collecting dust). Xan Rubey is the creator of Laps of Luxury Pet Beds. In essence, the lap bed is literally just that; it’s in the shape of person’s lap, cut off at the torso (okay it looks a little macabre) legs crossed, jeans on, even a belt. NO attention to detail spared. Xan’s idea came to him (him/her? Seriously I have no clue) when he asked himself where his dog liked to sleep the most. The answer: his lap.

I have to say, whilst it looks a little strange, I like the whole notion of killing two birds with one stone, i.e. the dog is happy and thinks it is getting its way by sleeping in your lap, and you meanwhile can go make a cup of tea. Saying that, won’t the dog notice that it’s not sleeping in its owner’s lap, if its owner is wandering around the house? I suppose that of course begs the question, do dogs just like any old lap to sleep in?

This of course got me thinking about the other inventions that make our lives easier. When I was breast-feeding I often thought how great it would be to have a giant torso with boobs that I could hook the King up to so I could take a few minutes off. I realize this would cut into bonding time, but please, there are 24 hours in the day, we did a lot of bonding. Or, how about a cushion that is in the shape of ones arms to lay the baby in. I suppose these arms would also have to be warm with a heartbeat of some kind as little people like that sort of thing. I’m sure Hasbro could get on that.

Then I thought, why not take it a step further. You could have a giant personalized mannequin in your likeness that you could place in various places throughout the house and it could just point to things, i.e. your husbands keys, mobile phone etc. No words necessary, just a mute clone of you with an extended hand pointing at what most likely your husband is looking for – let’s face it, it’s always the same thing. Or perhaps you could position ‘mute you’ next to the toilet paper roll in the bathroom. She could point at the roll with a scowl on her face and I bet you that toilet paper roll will always be changed, no questions asked. Think about all the time saved and monotony you would cut down on.

Or let’s just open this gate wide open and talk about the inventions I can’t believe have not been invented yet, but should be - like a self-cleaning breadboard. Yes, you heard me. How many times do you slice bread and crumbs go absolutely everywhere, all over the board, counter etc. (for an OCD person this is up there with death). So how about a breadboard, in which you press a button and presto, some little vacuum vent opens and sucks those crumbs right up. Or how about a set of drawers for one’s clothes with a remote control lock on them. Simply because I’m sick of finding plastic cars, crackers or kitchen utensils hidden amongst my T-shirts – yes, we can happily thank the King for these little treasures.

God I'm a genius. 

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