Tuesday 16 August 2011


Recently it was reported on a TV news program (so I don’t keep repeating myself, let’s just clarify that this term is once and for all, an oxymoron) that an 83-year-old woman got fake breast implants. Her theory, her mother lived well into her nineties, so perhaps she will as well, and why not have an ample bosom while you get wheeled around the nursing home. Apparently she had an active dating life and wanted to look good when she hits the community room on a Saturday night.

Perhaps my attitude smacks of a hint of ageism, so for that forgive me, but saying that, it does beg the question, how old is too old for plastic surgery? Let’s break this down, shall we. On one hand, it’s her life, if she can weather a surgery and being put under and wants breasts like Pamela Anderson, who am I to stop her. This same news program asked people on the street, and most of the responses were positive and supportive of this octogenarian’s decision. And furthermore, according to statistics, plastic surgery amongst the older set is rising fast. One doctor even reported that he gets older couples coming in for matching face-lifts.

Now, me, by the time I’m 80 I’m thinking that putting fake breasts into my body will be kind of like putting boulders in a nylon stocking. I’ll leave you with that image for a second…..in addition, I hope that by the time I’m in my eighties I’m ready to surrender to my vanity not to mention gravity. In fact, I’ll be looking for a nice wooden bench and a slice of pie. I plan to eat a lot of pie in my eighties, even if I have to gum it down. Now, don’t get me wrong, I certainly do not plan to let myself go anymore than I have to; but as for inflating my breasts to the size of small pillows, the only reason I can see for doing that in my eighties is to fall asleep on them during Bingo.  

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