Wednesday 29 June 2011


What is it about celebrity starlets and exhaustion? Am I missing something that being a celebrity suddenly became the most exhaustive and arduous job on the planet? And of course it is never just exhaustion – that would be too simple and not nearly sympathetic enough. They throw dehydration and malnourishment onto the excuse pile whenever they find themselves in some precarious situation as if they’re all fighting over food in the middle of some war strewn third world country. 

Now I realize a lot of this is spin produced by their PR companies. Sorry, I misspoke, ALL of this is spin, I’m just not sure when exhaustion and co. became the catch all for every screw up a celebrity makes. ‘Sarah Size Two’ was caught shoplifting – she’s tired damn it! ‘Simon-Shags-A Lot’ was caught cheating – he forgot to drink enough water people! ‘Carrie Cant Miss-An-Opening’ was rushed to hospital with stomach pains – pregnancy? Never. She simply forgot to eat her tofu lettuce wrap and was a tad malnourished.

Apparently in celebrity land there are no beds, glasses of water, or stores that contain things called food. Come to think of it, aren’t these otherworldly types supposed to have people that work for them that do all these petty jobs like food shopping and water fetching? Heck, you know Mariah Carey probably has people to spoon feed her while she lounges on her settee – apparently she likes to eat lying down (I actually saw her admit to this on a documentary. She has a lounge chair in the middle of her kitchen).  

I suppose the most puzzling thought of all is not that the PR companies think we are all total gullible idiots, but what exactly is it that celebrities are doing that is so darn exhausting? (If we are of course to believe such an excuse). It’s not like they are sweating it out in a coalmine (although something tells me they would if it involved weight loss and appeared ‘method’); as far as I can tell, for actors/actresses in Hollywood there are no ditches to dig, mountains to climb, or sweat shops to work their little fingers to the bone in. In short, they memorize and read lines, go on press tours where they are served, ahem, food and water (!), put up in five star hotels, and work on movie/TV sets with usually a heck of a lot of downtime where they can sit in the posh trailers and contemplate what not to eat.

Okay fine, I’m sure I’m simplifying things, and I’m sure many a celeb works their little protein infused tail off (Beyoncé for instance, she looks like she works damn hard actually; do you see her Glastonbury set? I got tired just watching her move like that), but please spare me how tired and hungry this group of individuals is when they have money in the bank and 300 thread count sheets on their beds the size of Kansas. 

Go to sleep for godsakes, and take a sandwich with you!

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