Tuesday 8 March 2011


Do you ever get those chain emails that say if you send the email on to eight people within four hours you are going to receive a huge lump of money? Or those that boast that if you send the email on to so many people, you will be destined for good luck and success in your job and personal life and your whole life will fall into place and be super peachy keen cause you chose well…on the internet.

The short of it is, you won't. I repeat, NO money, no Brad Pitt walking thru the door, no triple promotion at work. Unless of course it’s all a coincidence and you’re just a very lucky person – [I’d definitely not count on the Brad thing happening cause he lives in France apparently and I'm thinking Angelina needs a lot of help with all those kids]. And why won’t any of this happen for you even though you followed the rules of the email to the letter and even sent it to people you barely speak to any more just to make the numbers up, CAUSE IT’S AN EMAIL! Until they prove otherwise, sending chain emails won't do squat except annoy the crap out of the people who receive them. 

I loathe chain emails. Yes you heard it here first, so anyone who sends them to me, you're not improving our relationship. It’s not just for the fact that they sit in my in box until the guilt forces me to either send them out to torture another batch of individuals (I know no longer do this of course) or as I do now, throw them into the bin without a second glance. It’s also for the sheer nature of them, the promises of what will follow - either blessings or curses and accidents that are going to come your way or else - and the sheer stupidity of the promise that the internet will bring this to you. Seriously, think about it, if you haven’t received money from a long lost aunt who just keeled over, it’s very unlikely it’s going to happen cause you sent an email to seven people you met at summer camp.

It is also of course the fear mongering I resent. You know how I feel about that kind of thing anyway. The ‘if you don’t send this email on, you’re not going to have a good week.’ Well thanks a lot, I was doing just fine before you decided to infect my inbox with this negative tripe. And note to all, putting, “I’m so sorry, I just had to do this,” in the subject line before you send it out to your friends is still not going to erase the act itself. They will still mutter under their breath, ‘damn you Jenny’ (or whatever your name is) stop sending me this crap!! The point is you don’t have to send it out to anyone [unless you want to cause you really don't like the recipients and are trying to drive them nuts]. Be strong, when you get one of those emails, go up to the delete button, stay the course, and press the clicker until the email vanishes. Trust me, you’ll feel better, and you may even start hearing from your friends again….and the lawyer that handles the estate of your third cousin removed telling you that you've inherited a boat load of money.
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