Saturday 1 January 2011


[As it's the New Year, I thought a Saturday post was in order!]

Once again we’re at that time of year when big yearly resolutions are made. The proclamations of what you will or won’t do for as long humanly possible, or until you’re about a week into the New Year and you realize that resolutions are designed to drive you completely insane of then of course be broken.

Don’t get me wrong, I like starting the New Year with a positive intention. You know, like…I will NOT stuff my face needlessly when I am bored; I WILL stop cursing like a drunkened one legged sailor (I figure if he’s missing a leg his cursing is even more appalling and resembles my own); I WILL cut individuals out of my life that bring nothing to the party but a big fat headache…you know the drill. You tell yourself that this year will be different, this is the year that you will have discipline and resolve. This year you will become a better, thinner, more productive human being that doesn’t smoke, curse, eat junk food, or drink Sambuca at nine in the morning. Ah hem, I have never drunk at nine a.m. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

Then again, maybe it is a better idea to simply swear off resolutions. One could decide to not resolve to do anything. In fact, one could resolve to NOT resolve. The ol’ I am who I am adage, and if I haven’t stopped certain behaviors by now, a drunkened promise at midnight to not steal the neighbor’s paper anymore probably will not stick.

I am more for the approach that every day one should have an intention. I know, I sound like some drippy plaque hanging on the wall of a new age center. But I figure if each day, when one wakes up they intend to overall do and be better then it is as if you’re chipping at the big rock of accomplishment a little at a time. For me it feels like much less pressure than some grand statement of how the rest of my year is going to go. In fact, at the moment, if I can simply manage an intention for the morning, I feel like I’ve scaled Mt. Kilimanjaro. I WILL try to do ten sit-ups this morning and actually sit down whilst shoveling in my breakfast. Tick. Done! What a success story, I’m an achiever. Look out world, I’m kicking ass and taking names.

You see the secret of all this resolution stuff is to start small. ‘Achieve small, feel big’ I say [I should put that on a cup. I’m sure I’d make millions]. Don’t stand on the rooftops and scream to the neighborhood that you’re going to lose 50 pounds. Start with five. Trust me, it’ll be a lot easier to lose. And then that way you can march around with your cocky hat on, bragging that you just lost five pounds. It’s much better than telling people you’re trying to lose 50. Trust me, they’ll give you that look as if to say, uh huh, good luck to you, I’ll see you in line at the all you can eat buffet sausage thighs (you may want to cut anyone out of your life that refers to you in this manner).

So this year, I resolve to do nothing…Instead, this morning, I intend to change the King without getting peed on. God I feel accomplished already.
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