Thursday 14 October 2010

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

As most of you know, the rescue of the Chilean miners was successfully carried out yesterday, resulting in all 33 miners being brought to surface – those of you that are not aware of this have clearly been trapped in a mine, perhaps next to theirs? It is a testament to the profound will of humans to survive that those men lasted down there for 69 days. I know being claustrophobic I would’ve lasted all of 69 minutes. Two months in a dark, damp hole with 33 others, all clamoring for air and sanity?? I’m telling you that is up there on the top of my list as things I don’t want to experience in this lifetime…or the next one either. :-)

Can you imagine being the last miner to be brought up from down there? Talk about pulling the short straw. How do you even decide that after not tasting freedom for so long. I know I’d be the one kicking, clawing and walking on the backs of others to get myself in that rescue capsule first. I’m not proud of this fact, I blame my fear of small places; it is a powerful phobia. Apparently the first miners to come to the surface were the most fit and the most technically savvy so they could advise the rescue teams. The last man was the shift supervisor who volunteered to stay behind until all of his team was safe. Now that’s true leadership in the face of adversity.

I wonder what the first thing each of them will want to do once they’re on their own? I’m thinking bathe will top the list..or sleep in clean, soft sheets…or how about stuff hot gourmet food down their throats until their stomachs hurt. Anything but canned tuna! Then again, maybe it is the most simple of things that would taste and feel the sweetest. Simply breathing clean air for starters, or getting a long heartfelt hug from a loved one. One man as he was wheeled away asked his wife how the dog was? Talk about maintaining one’s sense of humor in the face of excruciating circumstances. Give that man a raise for godsakes! And get him that dog!

I think that is the most astonishing thing of all about this whole traumatic incident – that most of these men, even the severely infirm ones, kept a level head and a sense of humor about their situation. Not only did they bond together, but also they collectively decided that they would never discuss in detail what went on down there. I think the greatest thing that one of them said was that he doesn’t want to be treated like a celebrity, he wanted to be treated like the man that he was, the worker, the miner. How utterly refreshing, and the mere fact he’d consider going back into a mine boggles the mind. I’d rather lick the hair on a donkey’s backside. But that’s me.

Here's to victory!

Wednesday 13 October 2010

ELBOW

[Sadly, the photo above is not the King]

So the King smiles at me now. And not just the ‘I have wind…oh wait, it has passed' kind of smile. They are the genuine ‘I know you, and I’m glad to see you’ smiles that make three months of no sleep almost bearable. I said almost. Don’t worry, I’m not going to turn into a drippy mom and start telling you about every move the child makes. Although, I personally think he is a lot more entertaining in his three short months than let’s say, X Factor. But that’s me.

But of course as the King always likes to remind those under him who holds the power, he does not give courtesy laughs. He’ll look at me long and hard when I’m trying to crack him up as if to say, 'sorry, but you can do better, that's just not funny.' However, for some reason he loves the way I saw elbow. I’m sure in his little British head he’s thinking, ‘god mom’s American accent is hysterical. Such annoyingly harsh vowels.’

I’m starting to worry however that he will never learn his own name. The problem is I just can’t use it. I’ve deemed him a variety of food-oriented names instead (perhaps I’m starving?) like peanut, or peach, or the frontrunner...fat sausage. Okay okay, it’s a bit mean, but over here sausages are highly regarded, and when I call him fat sausage, it sounds incredibly endearing I swear to you. The worrying thing is that he is starting to respond to it. I’m thinking that would be a tough burden to carry once he starts school. “In the back row, yeah, Fat Sausage, I’m talking to you! Stop messing about!”

He also likes my singing, and I can tell thinks my smile is pretty good, and well, I’m sure one day, he’ll even think my cooking is pretty darn tasty. And the best part, he forgives me when I let on that if he doesn’t stop crying I may sell him to the gypsies. See, the kid already understands my sense of humor (I'm joking I swear). Which of course makes me think that maybe we have kids just so that for a few short years we feel utterly and unconditionally loved, admired, and idolized. It’s like a sure thing in the confidence-boosting department. That is of course until they get to that age where we suddenly lose our shine and become the mom that won’t stop singing, makes stupid jokes and cooks the same meal over and over cause her culinary skills are that of a school cafeteria chef. Until then, I apparently rule….under the King of course.

Tuesday 12 October 2010

AND THIS PIGGY PLAYED PIANO

Do you ever hear those stories that make you suddenly feel lazy, unappreciative and downright average? [Aren’t you glad I search them out for you?] On the positive side, this one is truly incredible and hopefully will inspire all of us to get off our *sses and go do something that scares us, or seems out of our reach. For those of you that already are, stop gloating.

There is a contestant who has reached the finals of China’s Got Talent named Liu Wei– I must admit, it amuses me to no end that this show has gone global – this contestant is not just an amazing pianist, he is extraordinary actually. Why, you ask? Cause the boy plays with his feet having lost both his arms. I shall say it again for those of you barely paying attention - he plays with his FEET. Feeling appreciative for what you have yet? I can barely walk on mine correctly let alone figure out how to play Chopin with my pinky toes.

Liu lost both his arms when he was ten years old after accidentally touching a high voltage cable when he was playing hide and seek. Just that sentence makes me clutch the King and get all weepy. After becoming incredibly forlorn and depressed – rightfully so - he thankfully found music, specifically the piano. The problem was, he couldn’t find a teacher who would take him on due to his condition. Apparently music teachers in China can’t think outside the box. Finally he found a man, an amputee himself, who not only taught him the basics on how to get along in life as an amputee, but he gave Liu the courage to take on the piano.

So like any resourceful young man, he didn’t let the fact that he did not have arms stop him, he had toes and those would have to do; At first it wasn’t so easy being that his big toe was wider than the keys. But after figuring out that if he positioned his body just so, he could angle his toes and actually play. [I think that fact alone should be a mantra for the rest of us when we start whining that we can’t do something cause we don’t have the time or skills to carry it out]. Next time I take my post pregnancy butt jogging round the park, I shall whisper 'piano-feet, piano-feet,' every time I feel like stopping. That should do it.

And now of course he’s reached the finals and his story has gained attention throughout China and the world. I’m not a fan of any of these shows, as you know, but if it shines the light on people like Liu, then I can see my way clear to see them as an occasional positive.

I’m going to go and try to stir my coffee with my feet. I suddenly feel very unproductive.

Monday 11 October 2010

OOOPS, OUR BAD

It was just revealed that back in 2008, undertakers in South London found a patient breathing. Apparently the paramedics declared him dead and called the coroner. When the coroner arrived, he discovered the man wasn’t as dead as once thought.

Sort of being dead…that must be like kind of being a virgin.

I’m thinking there are few jobs out there where the details really matter. Details such as: if one is breathing, if there is a pulse, you know, if the person is actually living you don’t send him off to be embalmed and put in a wooden box. Fine, we’re all human, mistakes happen, but this is one of those mistakes that could’ve ended really badly. I mean, worse than the time I rode a bike with no brakes into an intersection. And that was pretty bad - as far as judgment goes, that was not my finest moment.

The case was one of more than 60 'Serious Untoward Incidents' (SUIs) recorded between 2007 and 2009. I’m thinking a SUI is a euphemism for ‘we totally screwed up, and we’re very very sorry.’ Being English, I’m sure they would be very polite about it. If it were the States not only would they not reveal the errors, but the almost dead man would of course sue for 50 million dollars, win and be spending his summers in St. Tropez on his yacht alongside Jay-Z and Beyonce.

Another case revealed in this report saw a failure of equipment due to the batteries being faulty when a doctor was about to resuscitate a cardiac patient. Again, OOPS. Something you might want to check before you utter the words, ‘clear!’ and whip out those handy life saving paddles. It is like a bad episode of ER, “I said clear! Crap; my bad, looks like we should’ve used Energizer batteries!”

In this same revelation of incidents that I’m sure they wish they had never revealed, there were the very astute paramedics that let a man suffering severe chest pains walk up two flights of stairs unaided. He later died in the ambulance. What about that seemed like a good idea? I’m surprised they didn’t have him run around the block a few times, you know, just to check that he was really breathing.

I suppose the moral of all this is that no matter how capable or trained a human being is, they are still human. I don’t know about you, but when I go into hospital now I practically tattoo my blood type across my forehead, as well as repeat myself a thousand times like I have some form of paranoid tourette's. It’s either that or they confuse me with some other patient who’s having a barium enema and a limb amputated. No thank you. Labor was excruciating enough.

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