Let’s be honest, the majority of television shows, especially in America, is still not representative of our incredibly ethnic and diverse society. You have the sitcom with the token gay best friend, or the cop show that seems to always show the criminals as minorities or the ethnic extras that pepper a scene or cast to say, look we represent everyone. But in truth, the cast is usually predominantly white, straight and as American as apple pie [actually, the origin of apple pie goes back to the Dutch in the 1600’s, so we might want to amend that saying].

Although in the past few years, several shows have appeared with a more well-rounded representation of what is out in the world. One being a half hour sitcom in the states called Modern Family (for those of you that have not watched it, it’s hysterical). On this show, there are several couples - all connected by marriage and family - and each depict what it means to be a family in today's modern age. One of which is a gay married couple with an adoptive daughter from China. 

This of course brings up the issue that is bothering the Culture and Media Institute, a conservative watchdog group, which is that this sudden surge of gay characters on television is turning our airwaves ‘too gay.’ Seriously, I do not joke around with this stuff.  I guess the five or so shows with gay characters in the last three decades is too much for them. According to…well I’m not even going to mention his name and give him more airtime than he deserves, this man that works for the institute, having gay characters on television shows sends a bad message. To whom, I’m not sure. In short, this myopic bigot; sorry, gentleman, claims it is bad for society to see gay couples/marriages on television as viewers may think it is normal behavior. And we certainly couldn’t have that.

I do hope and pray that this man’s son turns around at sixteen and explains to his Dad that his best friend Cliff is oh so much more than that. That would force-feed him a dose of reality.

What I never seem to grasp when people start harping on about nonsense like this, is where do these people live exactly? I mean what is out their window, an Arian race of homogeneous looking robots? In my neighborhood, there is every ethnicity and sexual persuasion one could envision. And thank god for it. Isn’t it about time we show reality on our televisions and celebrate the fact that even though we are all different, it is our similarities that bind us together? I mean, the funniest thing about the couple on this show Modern Family is watching them raise their child and confront all the issues any parent faces.

Not only that, but if my son happens to turn to me one day and tell me he is gay, I would hope that by seeing homosexuals on TV or in film depicted as straight people are, i.e. normal functioning citizens of society that eat, drink and put their pants/trousers on one leg at a time, it would help him feel accepted and not so alone in the world. Hopefully one day soon we won’t even be talking about stuff like this, cause TV will truly reflect our society and everyone will realize that ‘normal’ needs a major definition overhaul.

I'm off to the park to take the King to play with Randy and Cliff's sons Harry and Barry. Cause that's how we roll in this neighborhood.

There is a new reality show about to hit the airwaves – cause that is just what we need, more reality television – about a polygamist, his three wives and their 300 kids. Okay fine, they don’t have 300 kids, but once you move into the double digits one is tempted to stop counting.

I believe the attempt of the show is to demonstrate to the rest of the world how normal their life is; they love one another, do grocery shopping, take the kids to school, you know Brady Bunch type stuff. That is if Mr. Brady was married to Carol, Alice, and Greg’s high school math teacher. Now that would’ve been good television. According to the husband it all happened innocently enough. He claims he just fell in love and fell in love and fell in love. From where I come from I think that’s called cheating?

The kicker is, the wives think it’s all fine and dandy and swear that jealousy is not something that occurs in their household. I’m just not sure how that is possible to not have any jealousy; I mean these are women we are talking about. Nuclear couples have jealousy, and you’re telling me that with that many people in a house, there is none?? How about just a little…”she stole my blouse? Or she got you on Tuesday night last week, and I don't want to miss my favorite TV program;” Or, “my meatloaf is better than hers,” jealousy; I mean something!

Then again, perhaps if everyone signs up for the same adventure, they know what’s coming around every turn.  And in fact, the husband, or as I have deemed him, Mr. “I Can’t Seem to Get Enough Tail” is bringing in a fourth wife and all the current wives are eagerly anticipating it like it’s a new Labrador puppy. Something tells me wife number four will be on toilet cleaning duty for the first year.

What’s even better – for the husband of course – is that this man has his own little harem of women looking after him 24-7. Now there is your answer to why polygamy exists. Why have one when you can have four – a no brainer. The wives say they function as a well-oiled machine, a real team that has each other’s backs – [yeah, each one wondering where to drive the knife in]. Okay, in truth, the teamwork thing does not surprise me. My girlfriends/sisters and I often say to one another that we wish we could raise our children altogether as it would be a heck of a lot easier. No giving directions on what to do, maternal instinct just kicking in, each woman knowing what the other is thinking and being able to anticipate it far in advance– you know, the stuff men can’t do.

I also find it curious that it’s always men that take more than one wife (actually I think I know the answer to this). It’s so rare that you see women with three husbands. Then again, I’m thinking it is because they realize it would be more of a headache than a help. Three sets of boxer shorts to pick up, three dinners to cook, three men looking at you with that blank stare when you ask them if they have anything to say; three men to say to ‘not tonight honey, I have a headache!’

No thanks. I find one tiring enough (love ya honey). 

What is that saying about opinions? (Excuse my language) They’re like a**holes, everyone’s got one. I’m thinking never a truer statement has been said. On a fundamental level I think humans need to share their opinions because it is like breathing; it means we’re alive. We exist. We’re not just window dressing or apparitions that can be dismissed. We matter damn it and we’re going to tell whoever is within earshot that we have thought about something, digested it, and formulated a response that expresses who we are and what we believe. Or in many people’s cases, what we’ve read, and we think we believe, at the present time. Always subject to change of course.

I think what fascinates me most about opinions is that they originate from so many different motivations if you will, depending on the person. Some people express opinions to show how intelligent they are – ‘damn it, my education paid off;’ others cause they just like to hear themselves speak even if they know they have no clue what they’re talking about; for others, it springs from a deep-seated narcissism that the world must hear things from their point of view cause they know best; or there is the fear of death motivation that somehow if one keeps expressing their viewpoints, they will leave a legacy and damn you world, they cannot be erased. In fact, there are so many different reasons to give an opinion everyone just can’t help themselves. It's like our brains are leaking out our mouths: “Running the country, I tell you how;” “How to raise a kid? Take it from me.” “How to look better, feel better, be better – Listen to me, I have all the answers!” In fact, I think that is what most businesses are founded upon – the 'I have an opinion about what you need and how to make your life better (or worse),’ business model. 

Of course not everyone feels the need to express an opinion. But the opinions are in there, trust me. They’re the people who call networks for inappropriate costumes at Superbowl half time and complain or write letters about defective products. The silent I have nothing to say types that inside have everything to say. They might not shout it in the street, but don’t be fooled, the pen is mightier than the…well in this case, voice.

In my opinion (ha!) this need to express one’s opinion usually hits its peak – on average of course – in one’s twenties. You’ve spent your teens trying to formulate your thoughts and make sure they make sense (often they don’t and your head just ends up hurting) and then you hit university or the working world – or both – and suddenly it’s awash in a pool of individuals all trying to outsmart the other and somehow stand apart. I remember in college I had a spell as an angry ‘women studies’ major. I’d give you my opinion on just about anything (some of you are not surprised I'm sure) usually to do with the oppression or objectification of women. I was a ball of laughs back then. It was also around that time I got some ridiculous tattoo expressing my woman-power. [Regrets, I've had a few].

Then a funny thing happens as you age – again, there are definite exceptions to this. You just get tired. And suddenly when you begin to voice your opinion, you realize you just don’t care to express it anymore. Either people know you or they don’t, and you telling them what you think about the skirmish in eastern Congo is not going to make one bit of difference in the grand scheme of things. And those that don’t, you don’t have the energy for anyway. You move into that wonderfully peaceful phase of ‘I could tell you what I think about this or that, but to be honest, I just don’t have the energy. True Blood is on.’ Or whatever show floats your boat.

Then again, for others, despite their age, they start a blog and waffle on and on voicing their opinions on just about everything. How pathetic is that. J

If this latest invention isn’t indicative of our times, I’m not sure what is. Surgeons have created an internal, and hence, invisible mesh bra that goes under the skin to give you a lift without wearing a bra. I wasn’t aware that we needed one of these, but apparently, we have become so utterly lazy, that putting a bra on takes too much time. Fine, I’m not saying bras are the most comfortable things ever invented; they’re not, but something permanently under my skin?? What’s next, internal underwear? (Not sure how those would work, but I'm sure they'll try).

So, for the insane with hideous amounts of superfluous money - six thousand pounds to be exact (about 10 grand), one can have this mesh apparatus attached to a layer of fat above the breast tissue. Apparently this…thing, for lack of a better term, supports the breast tissue in its new position and keeps one’s boobs from drooping. I’m thinking this one should be categorized in the department of things that sound deranged on paper, AND in real life. In fact, the amount of things we’re now considering putting inside our bodies gives me the creeps. Imagine an alien finding a human body in twenty years time? It will probably be made up of plastic, mesh, steel, hooks, pulleys and hell, throw in some velcro while you’re at it. Actually, the King is kicking my ass at the moment; I could use some velcro on my forehead to tack up my eyelids. 

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not thrilled with what gravity is going to do to me. Ahem, I shall rephrase; what it has already done to me and is continuing to do. But undergoing surgery for an internal bra seems like an absurd - and expensive - way to avert the aging process. Then again, so does sticking big bags of silicone in there to look like Dolly Parton. No offense to those that have undergone this procedure; it's not for me and never seemed like a smart thing to do.

I say, to hell with looking perfectly pert and plucked; it's time to enact a revolution. If it took us this long to define how one should look in their later years – and I shall emphasize should – perhaps it is far time to push it the other way. Let’s make drooping boobs hip! Think about it, neck waddles and wrinkles could be en vogue. “Did you see her face, it looked like a road map; god she’s so damn lucky.” I’m of course talking about women here cause men are allowed to look ‘distinguished,’ while we are just deemed old. Wouldn’t it be so refreshing if suddenly aging was accepted and here’s a shocker, embraced. People often say they’re proud of their lines and imperfections, but somehow you just don’t believe them (okay, there are a few exceptions to this. French women make everything look good). But if all of society embraced the wrinkle revolution, I’m telling you, we’d be onto something.

So to the hell with it, I’m starting on my own. From now on, the ‘sisters’ are going commando. And when they hit the ground and people are staring in horror, I’m going to tell them that I’m a revolutionary way ahead of my time.