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Friday 13 August 2010

RACHEL THE DESTRUCTOR!


Bill O’Reilly’s knickers are in a twist. I’m not a fan, but I know enough to know that this is a general state for him – it’s also a genius way to garner press for his neo-con TV show, oops, sorry, I meant news tv show. Anyway, his latest beef is with Jennifer Aniston. Yes. I really typed that. I’m thinking it must have been a very slow news cycle in the world of Billy boy. So, his problem is with her latest statement that women don’t need a man to have/raise a child. In essence, that in today’s modern age, women have more options than to just wait around for the perfect guy.

He claims – angrily and aghast of course - that she is sending the wrong message to teens, i.e. ‘you don’t need a guy or a dad,’ and this message is destructive to society as it glamorizes single parenthood...Oh PLEASE. Bill, with respect, calm the heck down. This is Rachel from friends we're talking about. What is destructive to society is father’s walking out on their kids, or child abuse, or how about good old fashioned drug addiction...or reality shows. How about what they’ve done to the fabric of society! I’d be much more worried about my teens looking up to Paris Hilton and that over plasticized Heidi creature than choosing to raise a child on their own. Let’s get some perspective Bill shall we?

From where I sit, Jennifer Aniston saying that in this day and age women don’t need a man to have a child is kind of stating the obvious. Cause, well, we don’t. I’m not saying the normal route isn’t preferable, but if a woman does not find herself in the position to have a child with a partner at the necessary time (we women have a clock Bill, and once it starts ticking there is no shutting that thing up; guy or no guy), there are plenty of alternatives that result in perfectly happy healthy families. Then again, I suppose it depends on how one defines family. From the sounds of it, Bill defines it as the traditional nuclear family with 2 kiddies, a dog, and a white picket fence. More importantly, I think women have enough pressure on them in life let alone finding the perfect guy to have the perfect family with at the perfect time. For some sadly it just doesn’t happen that way. I consider myself very lucky to have found a man to raise a child with, trust me. But if I had wanted a child and hadn’t come across my man, I would’ve had no problem zipping down to Haiti and picking up a cute little orphan.

Besides, they say women do 80% of the heavy lifting when it comes to child rearing anyway. Don’t get me wrong I know some amazingly involved, active fathers. But saying that, I think I know more uninvolved fathers – or downright absent ones, that make me think that the good men out there need to sort out the rest of their gender.

So Bill, take heed, society is not in freefall because of single women raising kids. In fact, the single parents that I know that raised children (my partner’s mother included) did it to such an amazing degree, they made it look easy and they deserve a freaking medal. I’m not saying it WAS easy; I’m saying it can be done, and often times it is done far better than a two-parent household.

All this said, the cynic in me is wondering if Bill and Jen were in cahoots this week to promote her film and his TV show; ratings must be slipping.




Thursday 12 August 2010

TAKE THIS JOB AND SHOVE IT!


The King has granted me five minutes to write this so I better make it snappy.

I don’t think I have to explain at this point who Steven Slater is; however, for those of you that have been trapped under something heavy, I shall briefly recap. Ol’ Stevie, until recently, was an airline steward for Jetblue, a low cost airline in the States. In short, at the end of a recent flight, he told a passenger to sit down after she stood up too soon to retrieve her luggage. The passenger told him to shove it essentially, and when he walked up to her to reiterate that she had to sit the hell down, her bag clocked him in the head as she was pulling it down. Slater demanded an apology, but instead was given a mouthful of abuse by the passenger. I’m thinking she didn’t use nice words.

Now this is where things get really dramatic – and oh do I love me some drama. Slater, clearly not one to take things lying down, took to the aircraft's public address system and called her two of my favorite words in the English language (hint, it rhymes with Mother Trucker). He then grabbed himself a beer, proclaimed that after 28 years in the business, he’d had it and was getting the hell out of dodge. And to make the ultimate statement, he then engaged the emergency slide and slid to his freedom (well not really as he was arrested a short time later) - So Lily Tomlin in 9 to 5, no?

And of course, as expected in today’s society - the man has turned into a celebrity over night. You know how I love the metamorphosis from ‘Average Joe’ to ‘Joe 15 Minutes of Fame Guy’ with his own reality show. Just you wait, he’ll be hosting a show in no time in which people are dissatisfied with their jobs and go in search of their dream job or something of this ilk. Or maybe they'll put him and the passenger in a ring and have them fight it out to the death. 

Of course Slater is now also deemed a folk hero, an icon, a pioneer….the list is growing by the minute. Low cost airline stewards/stewardesses around the world are heralding Slater for finally standing up to abusive passengers. Others are saying it finally puts a human face to those that toil in an industry that underpays and overworks its staff. Okay, fine perhaps it does, but I have to say it scares me a bit that others out there are going to look at Steven’s flair for the dramatic and start thinking up new ways to leave their jobs in a fiery storm of ‘take that SUCKA!’ I mean, who is to say that next pissed off airline steward doesn’t strap on a parachute, bust the door open mid flight, and jump from the freaking plane.

While I’m all for Steven’s stick it the man attitude – as I’m sure he’s weathered his fair share of abuse over the years from the fray whining about pillows and stale peanuts, I also must play devil’s advocate for a moment. I don’t think I have to reiterate how I feel about the airlines. I fly a lot and putting aside Steven for a moment – as I’m sure he’s just delightful – some airline staff are just rude. Not only rude, but they clearly hate their jobs and they’re going to take every opportunity during your flight to remind you of this fact. Now I’m not saying they deserve to be hit over the head with a bag – Okay, I lie. Some of them do – but some of them need serious attitude adjustments. For some its not their fault; they have to enforce rules of their airline that are often unfair, ridiculous and seriously hard-line. [Note to Ryan Air, if you try charging for the bathroom, all your airline staff is in the running for a beat down]. But others you can just feel they’re working out their anger issues as they pour you a beverage – for which they’re charging you 8 bucks.

Where does this leave us? Well, the old saying, ‘why can’t we all just get along’ comes to mind. I'll do my best to stay in my seat til the little seatbelt light dings, and the Steven's of the world, perhaps you can serve me my overpriced drink with a big fat smile. How's that for compromise?



Wednesday 11 August 2010

HAIL TO THE KING


There has been a mutiny in our house. Once upon a time, my partner and I had the foolish belief that we ruled the kingdom around here. And now, to our surprise, we have been usurped by this small entity that we have now deemed ‘the King.’  This new little possessor of power lies on a pillow - or his vibrating frog chair/throne - just staring out into the void, occasionally silent, and then of course at times, very much NOT. And from that pillow he commands over his fiefdom like it was always his. In fact, never before have I seen such a small creature demand such action, attention and round the clock servitude from two grown adults. We now laugh at how this little body with a big voice merely has to squeak and we both jump like idiots trying to figure out which of the King’s needs is not being met. Is the King tired? Is the King hungry, wet? Bored? Is the King upset the stock market took a nosedive? Wait, maybe the King does not like what is on television. Hurry, change the channel before the King issues a decree to remove us both from the kingdom! I don’t doubt this child’s power.

And trust me, the King knows when we’re trying to do something that is not on his agenda, like showering or sitting down to a meal. The King can be fast asleep and the second one of our backsides hits the bottom of the chair, the King’s eyes fly open as if to say ‘I’m sorry, but I did not give you permission for such things.’ Imagine what he thinks when I try to write a blog. He gives me that look like, ‘I will let this one pass this time, but don’t think for a second I don’t know what you’re up to minion.’ Never before have I felt so powerless.

The other thing I find astonishing is the King’s refusal to let me finish a task. I am under the impression he finds it all extremely amusing and is relishing in his newfound role as puppet master (although in utero he was pretty in control as well; I should've known). Wait, I’ll let her start doing something, then I’ll interrupt her, then of course she’ll forget what she was doing, start something else and I’ll interrupt that too. And so and so on. I of course – having no memory – do this dance until I have six or seven uncompleted tasks up in the air like balls waiting to crash to the ground.

And of course, the King wields all this power because he has two things in his arsenal that we just can’t deny. He’s very young and cute - a very powerful and undeniable combination. So for now, we've decided he can think he's in charge, but like any foolish parents we're planning a revolution. We just both need a bit more sleep before we start plotting our next move.

Sh*t, gotta go, I'm being summoned by the King.


Tuesday 10 August 2010

BRIDE, GROOM AND FIREPOWER


Just when you think you’ve seen and heard it all. This one will definitely go down in the books as one of the most avoidable  - and idiotic - catastrophes I’ve ever heard. So, this mental giant in Turkey was getting married; sorry, but he deserves it, as you will soon see. Apparently, as is the Turkish custom – or so it seems in this village of moronic behavior, the groom took it upon himself to fire his AK-47 into the air to celebrate his nuptials. The problem was clearly his aim as he ended up losing control of his rifle, and fired into the crowd of family and guests killing three and injuring six others. To make matters worse, he killed his own father and two aunts and those injured were children. (The poor aunts always get the brunt of things…I'm thinking family relations were strained. If they weren’t before, they definitely are now).

It’s hard to imagine how the conversation went between the bride and groom before the wedding. “Babe, do you think this rifle goes with my suit?” “Gun metal and navy are the new black sweetheart, I think you look bitchin.” Then again, knowing men, I’m sure he failed to tell her his brilliant idea and thought he’d surprise her during the ceremony before they rocked out to the Bee Gees.

Maybe I’m simple, but I always thought that rice or confetti seemed like a decent enough way to toast the happy couple. Hell, raise a glass of champagne, make a long sentimental speech, learn the tango..but an assault rifle? I’m thinking it’s a bit much especially at an event where alcohol is practically mandatory due to so many relatives in close proximity (I've been to a near sober wedding and let me tell you, that is one LONG day). The bigger question is, if one must pack heat at their own wedding, can they not use blanks?! Again, an obvious choice when one is aiming a rifle into the air near a large crowd and firing off rounds like Rambo.

I can’t help but feel for the poor bride – and of course those injured and killed, that goes without saying. I’m sure she was sitting there waiting to cut the cake or take her first dance, not watch her guests become CSI chalk lines. And to make matters worse, imagine the realization that you have not only married a total idiot, but a soon to be inmate. Not a good start to any relationship. Obviously the groom was arrested after the incident. Honeymoon in the clink. I'm thinking til death do us part is negotiable in this instance.

Monday 9 August 2010

RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS


A woman in Pittsburgh for the past year has been living a secret life. No, this is not the logline for a new movie on the Lifetime channel. Laura Miller, a 32 year old administrative assistant, has taken it upon herself to enact random acts of kindness all around the city – deeming herself 'Secret Agent L' – and document all of it on her blog.

The project began innocently enough when a friend of Laura’s asked that in lieu of receiving a birthday gift, Laura instead do something kind for someone else (Laura clearly has some very altruistic friends). And in short the idea was born. So be it a small plant under someone’s windshield, or a free coffee, or quarters at a Laundromat, Laura set about leaving her mark of furtive kindness on a city that must have thought someone had clearly gone mad. As we all know, in today’s cynical age, even acts of kindness can cause suspicion. “You want to buy my coffee? Why? What do I have to do in return?!” Sad but true.

Laura then documented all these secret missions on her website and tagged them all with her secret agent business card, so she could receive responses from her chosen participants – and she did this all on an meager assistant’s salary. What occurred was a wildfire of responses, (most expounding what a horrific day they were having and how much the act of kindness lifted their spirits). Now she has a true ‘pay-it-forward’ type scenario occurring, with 80 likeminded agents across the country also carrying out acts of kindness. Screw giving OBEs and awards to actors and sportsmen, what about commending average citizens who take money from their modest salaries to give to others merely cause they think it would be a nice thing to do.

I have to hand it to this woman, not only has she gone about and done something positive and inspirational, but she actually has time to do all this stuff?! Which means she’s nice and excels at time management. Organized cow! (Just kidding of course) Where the hell am I going wrong? I can barely shower in the morning let alone be kind to my fellow human beings….I let my partner change a diaper this morning, he looked so eager and willing (NOT). Does that count?

Once again, stories like this make me think that humans are not as selfish and narcissistic as I once feared. In fact, I think more people are like Laura, they just need a little gentle reminder that something small and kind could be done and could make the world of difference. Hmmm, maybe I’ll let someone buy me coffee this morning. Just think how good that will make them feel. J
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