DO YOU WANT BIG HIPS WITH THAT?

[No. The above photo is not the King out with his buddy on a quest for a fast food fix].

Here comes a fastball, tight and inside, ready to be smacked out of the park (I have no clue what I'm talking about when it comes to baseball references, so humor me). You all know how I love when life serves it up in such a perfect manner that it just can’t be overlooked.

A manager of a Brazilian McDonalds has just been awarded eighteen thousand dollars for gaining weight on the job. Eighteen thousand dollars!! [I put on some poundage carrying the King, where the heck is my eighteen thousand dollars??] The man filed suit claiming that the food he had been eating on his lunch break as well as the food he ingested for quality control, caused him to put on 65 pounds...‘Quality control.’ Yeah, I’ve used that excuse before; “I just have to check that this carton of ice cream doesn’t have frost bite. Actually, it’s hard to tell from just one bite, I fear it’s going to take a few more. Oh, whoops, look at that, I’m scratching the bottom of the carton like the gluttonous piggy that I am.” I’m thinking ‘quality control’ is a euphemism for ‘I have no self control, I think I’ll stuff a few more fries in my mouth when the customers aren’t looking.’

Yes ladies and gentleman, it is official; we are no longer responsible for our own actions. In fact, what we put in our faces is apparently someone else’s fault…do you ever get the feeling that everything is everyone else’s fault in our country at the moment? We overspend, over mortgage, and overeat, but seriously, it’s not our faults. Let’s blame the bankers, the government, and the food chains. Anyone but ourselves.

In this case, as all humans have free will – in most countries anyway – this manager could have opted for the McDonald salads instead of the double cheeseburgers - I’ve seen the commercials, I know they have them, although I find the notion slightly scary. Or, I don’t know, here’s a wild idea, portion control; or bring your own lunch from home and take a jog on your lunch break! But suing your employers for your inability to control how much of their food you eat, you’re getting very little sympathy from me.

Fine, McDonalds – and all fast food really – does not really qualify as food in my book. It’s caloric, bad for us, and aiding in the alarming rise in obesity and disease worldwide. But saying all this, as far as I can tell, the fast food chains do not follow you home, bang on your door and shove the burger in your face as you utter, ‘who is it?’ Let's be honest, Joe Public does not need much help in the department of choosing things that are bad for them. There is a McDonalds near our house. It is now open from 5am, and when I say that place is packed from morning till night, I mean it. I watch parents shovel meals fit for grown men into their children and then I'm sure they wonder why they can’t do up their kid’s trousers. I'll give you a hint - that 'happy' meal you're eating is going to make your arteries anything but happy. 

So instead of suing people for our inability to maintain our weight, how about we focus on basic arithmetic. If you take in more than you burn off, you’re going to have an ass that jiggles like a bucket of special sauce. Appetizing, eh? Even the King knows that much and even he pushes away the bottle when he’s had enough.