Tuesday 26 October 2010


There is a seaside town in Italy that is banning mini skirts and other revealing articles of clothing to improve ‘standards of public decency.’ The mayor of the town, Castellammare di Stabia, is attempting to use new powers put in place under Berlusconi to crack down on anti-social behavior. Apparently he feels that there is a link between wearing a mini-skirt and badly behaved individuals, and that this will increase civic harmony. Fine, perhaps Grandma will be more pleased if she doesn’t have to look at her overweight neighbor wearing ass crack jeans (actually me too), but what are those individuals deemed anti-social going to think when they are told they either have to dress like Laura Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie or forget it. I can’t see them being any more cooperative with authority. And mind you, all this is occurring in a country that has had ex porn stars in their government. Ah the irony. 

Aside from all of this sounding incredibly fascist and alarming, I find it highly amusing that the powers that be think that if they simply outlaw certain articles of clothing they will change people’s behavior. Last time I checked, it wasn’t my jeans that made my poor decisions – when of course I made poor decisions, now I’m perfect - it was my brain and desire for mischief. What’s next then, lobotomies for all? Talk about putting a bandaid on a problem that needs further attention. In my opinion, kids are anti-social and badly behaved because of poor parenting, neglect and flat out boredom, not because they wear a hooded sweatshirt.

Other places near this town are contemplating banning sunbathing, playing football in public places, and blasphemy. Sunbathing?? Seriously, who the hell is in power, the dermatological association? Not to mention, if towns are contemplating making profane language illegal I’m doomed. The four letter word is a close and personal friend of mine. And for those of you that don’t use it, even in private, go on, try it. It feels SO good.

In other towns they have successfully banned sunbathing, kissing in cars, feeding stray cats, wooden clogs (I’m thinking purely cause they’re ugly) and the use of lawn mowers at weekends. Gosh, what about breathing? Or getting hopped up on soda? Or wearing your hair in pigtails if you’re over the age of fifteen. That’s mildly offensive, no?

If the world is leaning towards a police state – which I fear it is - here are a few things I’d like to ban: people who stop in the middle of the street without any warning so you ram into the back of them (I usually do this with my pram to give them that extra reminder that other people use the street too); people who say ridiculously revealing things on their cell phone while on public transport; people who say the word huge without pronouncing the H. Anyone who watches a Brendan Fraser movie and likes it. I mean seriously, if that’s not going to start a riot, I’m not sure what will. And of course there are the no brainers like people who can’t find France on a map and those that think Kofi Anan is something they order at Starbucks. That has to be illegal. Then again, I suppose what would be even worse is if they couldn’t identify world geography or political figures whilst wearing a mini-skirt. Now that’s just wrong.

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