MY MOMMY WAS A BANK ROBBER
A mother in Grants Pass, Oregon robbed a bank by handing the teller a note. In this note, it said, obviously, ‘you’re being robbed.’ Nice and to the point. It also asked if the teller could please wait 15 minutes before calling the police so that the woman could go pick up her children from school. Cause at least this woman had her priorities straight even whilst committing a felony: bring home the bacon – even if you have to steal it, and don’t forget the kids whilst committing said crime. That is multi-tasking at its finest. This is one of those genius stories that just keeps on giving.
Apparently, she made off with a whopping 1300 dollars – seriously, why bother?? – and then she went to pick up her kids at school. She was arrested in her driveway with her children who were eating ice cream sandwiches. I’m thinking Mom was in the splurging mood. Hell, I just robbed a bank, ice cream for everyone! What I can’t figure out is why rob the bank when school is about to get out? Why not do it at lunch, or after your morning coffee when you’re all hopped up and ready to get gangsta on some teller. Obviously why rob a bank at all is the obvious question, but I think we’re beyond that.
What I can’t seem to fathom is how she actually thought she would get away with it, especially as the police were able to track her down from a witness statement. I’m thinking a local mom robbing a bank and hopping into her mini-van is going to stick in people’s memories. And seriously for that amount of money, why not just climb into your neighbor’s window and steal their hi-fi system? It seems a lot easier and more inconspicuous. That way if you get caught you can just say you were really desperate for a cup of sugar....Calm down, I’m not advocating theft, but it astonishes me what goes thru people’s brains when making decisions – or more importantly, what does not go through their brains.
Take the King for instance; the kid goes through a lot of diapers. In fact, it’s downright astonishing that for someone with such a small behind the output can be so monumental. Now, of course I’d like free diapers. Heck, if you’ve been following these blogs from the beginning, you know I like just about anything for free. Freeeee!!! Sorry the word gets me excited. But it is a simple equation for us rational folks. Theft = prison. Prison = King having to get his small bottom up to Pentonville Prison (I’m thinking that’s where they’d put me) to visit his jailbird mommy in a waiting room rife with germs and moody convicts. It’s just not a good visual.