YOUR ROOM OR MINE

There is an article in a paper over here that discusses the merits of separate bedrooms to perk up one’s love life. [Seems like a bit of an oxymoron as one would think their partner would need to be in the same room to do this, no??]; Who are they kidding, it's not for better sex! Apparently more and more couples are doing the separate room thing in hopes of finally getting a good night's rest. Too right to that! (Although the King is making any sleep impossible at the moment). Honestly, outside of TV shows, I don’t think any couple out there sleeps the entire night in each other’s arms. In fact, they say that couples that sleep together suffer sleep disturbances for at least 50% of the night due to snoring, tossing and turning, trips to the bathroom etc.

My partner and I sleep cuddled up for about two minutes, and then we separate to our corners of the mattress where our bed quickly descends into a war zone. Cause despite what my partner professes, he does not stay on his side. He either sleeps smack dab in the middle, on his back with his limbs stretched out like a corpse (I have documented proof of this) or he comes all the way over on my side, pushes me to the very edge of the mattress and then swings one of his 100 pound muscle legs on top of me causing serious bodily harm. I have bruises to prove it. Then there is the talking; or shall we say, the shouting. Occasionally it becomes like an episode of 24 in our bedroom; my man is a big fan and I’m thinking fancies himself as Jack Bauer when he’s asleep. He’s been known to bolt straight up and start shouting orders to ‘duck and cover’ or issues some escape route or attack plan, most of which I cannot make heads or tails of. Of course as he does this, my heart bursts through my chest like a hand grenade and it takes me twenty minutes to calm down again.  Then of course there is the 3 a.m. trip to the kitchen for god knows what, that usually ends up sitting on his bedside table in the morning. The other night it was a can of corn. Seriously?? Corn?

This separate room thing is starting to sound very attractive.

Apparently, married couples began sharing a bed in Tudor times. Before that it was only something the poor did due to lack of space - this reasoning still makes perfect sense when it comes to modern day city living. Our flat doesn't even closets let alone separate wings for he and I. Researchers also say that when couples do separate, they argue less cause they sleep better; their falling asleep rituals can be carried out, i.e. one can stay up reading, whilst the other goes to bed early; and when it comes to getting frisky, the tiptoe trip down the hall makes couples feel like ‘naughty teenagers.’ I’m not sure about that, but a good night’s sleep without risk of being injured does sound appealing. Not to mention, how Mr. and Mrs. Brady;  'hi lovebug, your boudoir or mine.' A further fascinating tidbit is according to those in the know, we are apparently the only species that equates sex with being in bed, then falling asleep. Exactly, why hinder ourselves to one room, there is a whole house to make use of. How extremely short sighted of us.

Saying all this, as irony would have it, when my man is away and the bed is all mine, I can’t sleep. Figures.