SPACE THE FINAL FRONTIER

Personal space - I’m a huge fan. In fact, I’m on a quest to make it law that one’s personal space is more heavily observed. Trust me, this is a service for all of humankind that will be greatly appreciated one day.

Perhaps my preoccupation with space is because I am one of five kids and my individual space was constantly invaded. I shared a room until I was fifteen and there was no such thing as mine, not for very long anyway. And if it was yours, a thousand bucks it was someone else’s before it was yours. Then again, I am a Scorpio and we are a strange breed. Well not strange exactly (okay yes, a bit strange) but we need plenty of time to recharge, and the only we know how to do this is step back into our cocoon and shut the motor down. Mixed metaphors I realize, but you know what I mean.

It took my partner a long time to work this out (you did good honey); eventually he realized that no matter how much he followed me around and talked at me, when my eyes glazed over and I gave him that look, it meant that the computer had gone into sleep mode and I needed quiet time. 

What I always marvel at is most people’s inability to respect other people’s personal space. You see it all the time when you’re out and about. Or feel it shall I say. In fact just the other day at the post office some elderly woman was so close to my back, I could feel her breath on my neck. Note to the fray – if I can smell what you had for lunch, you’re TOO FREAKING close. Trust me, I understand that out in public there are a lot of weird creatures that use any opportunity they can to sidle up to someone and make it look accidental. I swear some man at the market the other day was trying to smell my hair. Either that, or he found the smell of baby milk puke on my sweater alluringly intoxicating. Unfortunately there is not much you can do about these people aside from glaring like you’re possessed by the devil, or simply saying, ‘sir, do you mind.’ That is usually a good blanket statement that takes them so off guard they don’t bother asking what they’ve done wrong (but they know. Oh they know).

I shall break it down for those of you that – often innocently – are space invaders. Imagine everyone has a two foot radius around them, essentially inside that circle is a no go zone. [Unless, like a vampire you’re invited inside, then hey, go nuts]. I know it seems a lot to ask, but it’s two feet, you can still gab away and the person can hear you perfectly well. Also this prevents any flying spit mishaps, body odor issues, or uncomfortable moments when the person shifts on their feet and you don’t and you find yourself millimeters apart from one another.

In short, unless you’re the person’s lover or you’re hard of hearing (and in that case I will shout, don’t worry) there is no need to be any closer. I’m working on a patent for some sort of alarm that goes off if your space is invaded. Until then, we’ll all just have to work a little harder.