HAIL TO THE KING

There has been a mutiny in our house. Once upon a time, my partner and I had the foolish belief that we ruled the kingdom around here. And now, to our surprise, we have been usurped by this small entity that we have now deemed ‘the King.’  This new little possessor of power lies on a pillow - or his vibrating frog chair/throne - just staring out into the void, occasionally silent, and then of course at times, very much NOT. And from that pillow he commands over his fiefdom like it was always his. In fact, never before have I seen such a small creature demand such action, attention and round the clock servitude from two grown adults. We now laugh at how this little body with a big voice merely has to squeak and we both jump like idiots trying to figure out which of the King’s needs is not being met. Is the King tired? Is the King hungry, wet? Bored? Is the King upset the stock market took a nosedive? Wait, maybe the King does not like what is on television. Hurry, change the channel before the King issues a decree to remove us both from the kingdom! I don’t doubt this child’s power.

And trust me, the King knows when we’re trying to do something that is not on his agenda, like showering or sitting down to a meal. The King can be fast asleep and the second one of our backsides hits the bottom of the chair, the King’s eyes fly open as if to say ‘I’m sorry, but I did not give you permission for such things.’ Imagine what he thinks when I try to write a blog. He gives me that look like, ‘I will let this one pass this time, but don’t think for a second I don’t know what you’re up to minion.’ Never before have I felt so powerless.

The other thing I find astonishing is the King’s refusal to let me finish a task. I am under the impression he finds it all extremely amusing and is relishing in his newfound role as puppet master (although in utero he was pretty in control as well; I should've known). Wait, I’ll let her start doing something, then I’ll interrupt her, then of course she’ll forget what she was doing, start something else and I’ll interrupt that too. And so and so on. I of course – having no memory – do this dance until I have six or seven uncompleted tasks up in the air like balls waiting to crash to the ground.

And of course, the King wields all this power because he has two things in his arsenal that we just can’t deny. He’s very young and cute - a very powerful and undeniable combination. So for now, we've decided he can think he's in charge, but like any foolish parents we're planning a revolution. We just both need a bit more sleep before we start plotting our next move.

Sh*t, gotta go, I'm being summoned by the King.