BAKE ME A HEAD AS FAST AS YOU CAN

So there is a man in Thailand – is it me or is there a pattern with some weird sh*t going down in Thailand? – who bakes bread. Sounds harmless enough, no? Well, he doesn’t just carry on the family’s trade in baking, he decided to take it one step further and bake bread in the shape of bloody body parts. Before I go any further, this is one of those sentences that in itself screams BIG RED FLAG. He claims he is an artist, and I suppose at this point in time, who am I to start defining what is art (of course in future blogs I'll have to deconstruct this one!). Furthermore, he says he wants to speak out about his religious beliefs…through bread. Bloody body bread. Cause as he explains, bread is transient, like life. Okay then. I’m thinking someone has been standing next to a hot oven for a little too long.

Not one to take his ‘art’ lightly, Kittiwat – the man in question – has spent several years studying forensics so that he could get the detail on the body parts just right. And from the looks of them, he has been putting in some serious hours watching CSI. But more importantly – and oddly – it is the taste that concerns him the most, as he doesn’t just want the art experience to be visual, he wants it to be culinary as well. He started by making tiny heads with little beady little eyes, that he claimed tasted terrific (seriously, RED FLAG RED FLAG). From there he ventured into a variety of body parts that would transcend dough and put art in a venue where one would not usually find it, i.e the bakery. I usually head to the bakery for a good croissant, and not a small human head, but I appreciate his forward thinking.

Unfortunately due to the passing of his brother and sister (someone may want to check the furnace in the bakery and look into how they actually died), Kittiwat has had to take over the family business full time and concentrate on making baked goods that won’t scare the bejeezus out of the local children. But he says that he will certainly return to his artistry although he reckons he's going to move on from body parts. I'm actually scared to ask what he's going to make next? Small beheaded animals? Brioche hand grenades? Baguettes that serve as machetes?! And more importantly, who eats this stuff? Cause when I wake up in the morning, if you were to offer me a severed bleeding foot with my coffee, I may puke on your lap. Then again, my stomach is on the weaker side.

I suppose if you really think about it, bloody bread is no stranger than a pile of cow dung or a shark's head ala Damien Hirst. And at least the man is going to work, dedicating himself one hundred percent and thinking outside the box, wayyyy outside. As for me, I'm playing it safe this morning and am going to Starbucks for a muffin. A muffin in the shape of a muffin...hold the blood please.