WHITES FOR RENT!

So the latest article sweeping the internet concerns China, and how you can rent a white person to pose as your employee, business partner or head of company. Whatever you fancy really. They call it White Guy Window Dressing - amongst other snappy titles -  and it is based on the old Chinese concept referred to as ‘face.’ Which essentially means that if a company has foreigners in its employ, it has prestige and money and is worth doing business with, especially with Western influences abroad. 

Um, did the Chinese watch their own Olympics???? Why the hell do they need us to do anything at this point?

They say in China, it is the pinnacle of impressing someone if you roll out a foreigner. Sorry, I’m having a hard, but entertaining time swallowing the irony. Over here if you were to roll out a foreigner people would shout in fury that they were overcrowding their shores, stealing their jobs and would want to box them up and send them back to where they came from. Not to mention the poor (insert ethnic group here) individual would be hired to clean floors or drive a cab, certainly not run a company. I guess China is a different ball of wax (note to the pale skinned immigrants, go to China, they’ll love you there!)

So I’m thinking if I’m an out of work actor who likes Chinese food, this is a pretty good gig; A flight to China, a nice hotel, and an opportunity to put on a suit and pretend to run some high flying company without having to say a word. Sign me up! I’m sure the true bona fide waiters of this world are happy as well; get those thespian bastards out of our work sector! Most of these individuals that are hired are just told to stand there, keep quiet and pretend like they just got off a plane. But of course act like you run the place of course. Genius. It’s like any CEO really. Act high and mighty, say nothing and just point to someone else and say ‘I have no idea, I just got here!’

At first, I must admit, I thought the whole notion of hiring white people sounded a bit creepy, and well…creepy (sorry words fail me). But now I’m thinking maybe they’re onto something. This is just good sound business strategy. I mean think of the possibilities. People could rent people to pose as dates at weddings -- wait, that’s called a hooker, scratch that; Okay, they could hire well to do ‘foreign dignitaries’ to increase their profile at a work function --- “oooh I had no idea Tommy was dating an African Queen; let’s sit with him at lunch from now on;”  rebellious Zionist teens could rent Palestinians to piss off their parents – I would love to see this one go down. Governments and schools could rent different ethnicities to make them look more balanced in the eyes of their constituents on press day. Yes I’m being sarcastic now. But seriously, this idea has legs, the Chinese are going to take over the world, we should be picking up as many tips as we can.

Sadly, it boils down to this, in China, a foreigner clearly represents power and prestige. In the rest of the world, a foreigner has become a dirty word. Very sad, but true. Ah well, if I get a yearning for an egg roll whilst pretending to run an oil company, I know where I will be appreciated.