Tuesday 13 July 2010


Recently there has been an international outcry in response to a planned execution of a woman in Iran by stoning; The crime was – brace yourself – adultery - of which she was convicted of in 2006. A top human rights official in Iran responded by saying that the Islamic regime is now reviewing the sentence (but not due to the pressure, cause that would be submissive; they’re just simply rethinking things. Mmm, hmm, okay). The woman in question confessed to the crime after receiving 99 lashes – I’m thinking that deserved a petite outcry in itself, but hey that’s me. She later of course – I’m assuming once her back healed and the poor woman could gather her senses, recanted her confession.

There are so many problems with the above paragraph – aside from my grammar - it’s hard to know where to start. Firstly, what the hell year is it over there? Stoning? Lashes? Seriously?! I realize each country across the world has their own way of enforcing law and order – some of them are damn scary if you ask me – but is this form of punishment not a bit archaic and barbaric? That was rhetorical of course....More importantly, I’d like to know if men are stoned as well for adultery, or is this just an anti-feminist thing designed to make sure women in this region truly know that they are fundamentally screwed for being born with female parts.

I mean, if you look at the big picture of being a woman I’d say we have it pretty rough; We get our periods; we have bad hair days (far more than men), we get cellulite, stretch marks, age whereas men get more ‘distinguished,’ and of course the kicker, get stoned for talking to the neighbor’s husband (as I’m sure that was the extent of what this woman did) when they get a medal of achievement for being virile and duplicitous with half the neighborhood. And don't even get me started about how female babies are treated in China.

Then again, as barbaric as the stoning law is – and it is – I’m wondering if America had this law would cheating come to a screeching halt?! Talk about a deterrent that would throw a wrench in a man’s mid-life crisis. You cheat. You die. I can hear the collective rush of zippers being zipped up tightly as we speak. ‘Yeah, Frank went off with his twenty-two year old secretary. But Mary’s fine actually. We’re going shopping today for her new dress to wear to his stoning! She's thinking Cavalli.”

The other thing I can’t help to think, as Iran is debating whether or not to bow down to the pressure of the international community, is what other countries think of our methods of enforcing law. We – speaking of America - along with 58 other nations, endorse capital punishment. Which many other countries – England for starters -  find the existence of, in it itself, barbaric. It of course begs to then ask, what methods of killing another human being are deemed appropriate – if any at all? Okay chucking rocks at a woman for having an affair is heavily extreme. But some man in Utah was recently killed by firing squad. Apparently he chose this method of death himself; clearly he was after the dramatic exit. I can’t say that being ripped apart by bullets sounds like a picnic either. Granted he shot someone trying to escape from prison, not exactly the same thing as having a fling on your husband. 

See, once again, the woman gets the short end of the stick. I shall tell my son upon his arrival how truly lucky he is.
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