Monday 7 June 2010

Women vs Men

I am fascinated by gender differences in men and women. I suppose because barring the exceptions, for the most part they are true to form in such a way that it is amazing we are still surprised by them. You hear it all the time when a group of men or women get together. Those universal similarities that plague every single relationship, rich or poor, black or white…stick a man and a woman in a house and have them live together and you’re going to get some running themes in terms of complaints. And here we pride ourselves on being such individuals.

Today’s blog I shall concentrate on some of the most common complaints women have for their male partners, we’ll start with the men cause, well, I’m steering this ship J Don’t worry, I’m more than fair and shall return tomorrow with women’s pitfalls (I fear it will be a short blog however).

The one complaint I most hear from my girlfriends…men don’t listen. This one is the Mac-daddy of all complaints as it casts such a wide umbrella. In truth, they don’t, let’s be real here. They often walk around like semi-conscious robots deeply absorbed in that one thing that is obsessing them – cause as we know they are NOT multi-taskers so it is ONLY one thing I assure you - and this one thing has nothing to do with doing laundry, or dinner plans with the neighbors, or what to do about Jimmy’s latest bout of biting other kids at the play group. Most likely it’s work, gadget, or sports related and to let anything else in is just not going to happen. Plus they figure, why should I listen to her tell me about something that doesn’t pertain to me at this very moment. I can just ask her later to repeat herself - again, and again, and yet again. I secretly think men have the best thing going with their whole Ayn Rand ‘I am an island routine.’ Lucky bastards.

My other favorite complaint is that men don’t know how to look for things. For me, this ties in with the fact that they don’t listen and they know that women (most women) are human organizers with vacuums nozzles attached to their hands that will come along and put their lives in order. [I blame us for letting this happen?!] That bottle of mustard they are looking for in the fridge could be spewing flames and hurling obscenities at them in Japanese with its giant mustard mouth, and they will still miss it. This situation has now become a highly amusing sport in our house – for me anyway. My partner will come in and ask ‘where did I put his such and such.’ I will smile and tell him it’s where it always is, and of course say nothing more – this behavior on my part took a few years to learn. He’ll then look at me with that, ‘do I push this?’ look, and then sheepishly walk out of the room. I will then hear him in the other room looking for the item – usually in the wrong place – trying to contain his frustration as he mutters under his breath that I move everything of his and it’s just not here! Sometimes I let him off the hook and lead him to where it is – of course in the same damn place it always is right in front of his face!! Other times, I turn the page of my book, smile and tell myself that getting up would take up far too much of my precious energy and the man must learn to find things on his own.

The other gender difference I find fascinating is men absolutely suck at facial recognition. Again, this ties in with them not paying attention – you see the glaring trend!!! It’s just too easy. I am always amazed that the FBI is run by all men because this lack of ability on their part is again, very universal. If I let my partner try to track down a serial killer based on the suspect’s facial features, half the city would be guilty. I first noticed this trait in him when he’d meet a member of my family. After spending a good amount of time with them, we’d leave, and for the following week, everyone we’d see he would think looked like my sister’s husband, or my cousin etc. I mean everyone: women, men, dogs, you name it. He also does this after watching too much TV. Suddenly we’re at the market and every other man looks like the main character from his favorite show. It has become a joke between us now, and thankfully he’s getting a bit better – I of course will take all the credit for this. Now when he successfully identifies someone’s remote twin, it’s as if he has won a prize at the fair.

The runner-ups in the complaint department from my female friends: men aren’t big on empathy (I figure biologically they’re hunters, hunters don’t have time to feel for the grieving), they have no intuitive skills (the baby can be screaming in its high chair, the toaster can be emitting sparks, and they’ll come in, and instead of lending a hand cause they see you need it, they’ll ask where their favorite tie is). In my opinion, this one comes down to training. It’s repetitive and boring, but like a dog, they can be taught; the final runner up: men laugh at stupid shit. They do. It’s quite scary actually, but it does explain why certain films rule at the box office and why when you get a few men in the same room, the intelligence level falls through the floor. My advice, when his friends are coming over, don’t even try to play host, grab your purse and get the hell out of there.

In saying all of the above, there are of course exceptions to the rule, but not many let’s be honest. If there was a man who listened, could find things on the first try and quietly wept whilst watching the news, trust me it would make the headlines of every paper. And to be honest, I think the mere existence of this man would send women round the world into shock and greatly upset the balance of the universe. And herein lies the irony, we want men to be men, but with this comes the usual complaints that they’re, well, too different than ourselves. You’d think at some point we’d surrender to all these differences between us and figure out how to live in harmony. But then that would just be dull, now wouldn’t it.

Onto the mightier sex tomorrow…stay tuned…..
Copyright © 2014 Anthea Anka - Delighted And Disturbed