Tuesday 29 June 2010


We’re revisiting the World Cup topic today. I couldn’t handle writing about it yesterday as I was still licking my wounds from a humiliating weekend. Anyway, unless you’ve been living under a rock, or are American and think football/soccer is dull as dishwater, due to several egregious calls in the World Cup recently, people are asking if it’s time for football to use technology….Um, well, OF COURSE . Duh.
 Sorry but if a dumb question is asked, it’s hard for me to elevate my answer.

Seriously FIFA, I’m directing this one at you, since you’re apparently in charge of this anti-progression campaign. It’s time to get over the whole purist stance, it's 2010 people. “Oh no, cameras and instant replay will ruin our game! It’s a simple organic game consisting of man and ball!”......PLEASE. More like uber millionaire man running on a pitch plastered with sponsorships, smacking a high tech ball (which is of course, you guessed it, a sponsor) as the millionaire player’s bejeweled wife/WAG hollers from the stands as she plans their latest multi-million dollar home purchase. Real purist.

If the goal England was robbed of the other night – not that it would’ve helped matters, let’s be honest – had been captured by an itty-bitty camera aimed at the goal, then people wouldn’t be so angry and aghast right now. Okay they’re also aghast at how shit they played, but I’m trying to stay on point here. Even commentators and sportsman from other sports can’t believe something like a goal could go unnoticed. A goal people!!! Not a groin kick or an elbow jab. A G-O-A-L. And I just love the justification…oh, sorry we didn’t see it therefore it didn’t take place. Could you imagine if this happened in other sports… ‘Sorry Lewis Hamilton you may claim you passed the finish line first going mach 4, but we were brushing the hair from our faces whilst filing our nails and missed it. Oops. Better luck next time.’

Okay, fine, have it your way FIFA, if a camera is too advanced for you, then let’s go the purist route; I’m a woman of compromise.  Have one man standing at goal, or woman - we're much better at noticing the details of life! - and his ONE little job is to watch the ball go in. Not so hard is it? The other refs can handle the histrionics on the field as players dive intentionally and grab parts of their bodies in agony (always the wrong ones mind you) moaning and groaning like morons, only to get up two seconds later and run at full speed across the pitch.

This is the world cup. THE WORLD CUP, once every four years. It ain’t grade school soccer or a bunch of guys kicking around a ball in the park – although some teams may resemble this – ahem. Goals count – or they’re supposed to!  In fact they not only count, they are positively everything; the difference between staying at the tournament and booking a one way ticket back to Depressionville. So please, get over yourselves and let’s move on with the times.

Oh and while you’re at it, I have an idea - start fining the players every time they fall down on the pitch crying like (I’m not going to say girls, cause we’re tougher than that) little boys, and all the money could go to charity. Something tells me there will be a lot more footballers on their feet. Just an idea. 

Go Argentina! (Listen, I have to back someone, it may as well be them)
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