ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR......I THINK MY WOMB JUST HIT THE FLOOR

There is a woman in the States who has given birth to something like 19 children. I’ve lost count at this point cause she simply keeps hurling them out of her womb like a high powered ball machine. There is so much that mystifies me about this, that I’m not sure where to start. Firstly, I’ve made it to my seventh month of pregnancy by the skin of my complaining teeth. While I’ve said before, I truly love the little guy inside of me; I can’t say I love the process of expanding like two ton a water balloon. And then I think, this woman has done it 19 times! NINETEEN. I’m not even sure the human body is designed for that, in fact, I know its not. What does her stomach look like, is it even attached to her body anymore? Or does the skin just hang down like a skirt that she has to tie around her back or toss over her shoulder like a handbag. Not to mention – and don’t worry I won’t get graphic – but what about the rest of her, the parts we women were born with and want to keep as in tact as possible? Gravity is a mighty enough nemesis, let alone birthing and breastfeeding nineteen children.

Then there is the simple question of why. Why would one want nineteen children? Now don’t even bother telling me she loves children and the miracle of life or its God’s will. Go teach at Sunday school, or heck, hang around a play park. What I want to know is how on earth do you know who is who and what they’re personalities are like when you start reaching the double digits? My Mom has five of us and she can barely keep track of our names and interests. With 19, you’re looking at a summer camp of chaos, hormones, tantrums and overall noise pollution. Not to mention, the mere attention factor. Kids need their parent’s undivided attention, not all the time of course, but some one-on-one time is a necessity for every child. And there is no way this woman is able to take the time to do such bonding when she spends most of her time in labor. Hell, I have friends with one kid who barely have time to shower. And the kicker, she has been quoted as saying she's not done having them. Maybe her real design is to start her own village (actually, she's mastered that one), no no, her own army...maybe she is sitting in - insert U.S. state here as I have no clue - plotting to take over the world. Now that would be an interesting twist on things.

The next question that comes to mind is the most glaring, which is how. How on earth do you in this day and age, have the money and resources to raise 19 kids?? Without kicking off a firestorm – unless one is minted – one is going to have to rely on social services to do such things. And don’t get me wrong, my nickname growing up by my father was his little communist. I’m all about helping out those who have not. But if one turns their womb into a factory assembly line, is the general public supposed to pick up the slack? Now I’ve never looked into the minutiae of how they get by, but I have a feeling that even the three year olds pitch in - 'Rudy, how many times do I have to tell you, add the fabric softener after the wash has already started! You're really not pulling your weight around here!'  And of course, I’ve read that there is a reality show about them, but you know me, I cannot bring myself to watch it. So maybe I’m wrong about this, and am being a judgmental cow. It is possible. Maybe they are the most economically efficient family on the planet that has built solar panels on their roof and operate like some high functioning Amish community. If that is the case, they should give the world’s governments a call and teach them a few things about budget balancing.