LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE
According to a recent study done in England, men lie more often and women lie better. Apparently, men lie about 3 times a day and the most common lie is to do with how much they’ve had to drink. The funniest part about this is that when one is sober in the face of someone who has been drinking, watching them lie about it as the fumes seep from their skin like a deadly vapor, is truly amusing. “Really, you haven’t been drinking? So the fact that you smell like an old stale beer keg is simply a new cologne you’re trying out?”
Women apparently lie twice a day on average – how they worked this is out is beyond me as couldn't the test subjects be, I don't know...lying?! – and it’s most often to do with our feelings when asked how we are? Apparently, the ‘I’m fine,’ response has been exposed (was any man still buying this??). In my house I circumvented the whole thing altogether; I figured I’d save us both the time and never say I was fine if I wasn’t. Plus you can tell I’m clearly not fine as apparently I make all sorts of facial expressions that are a dead giveaway: the locked jaw, the stern pinched narrowed eye ‘I’m going to scream in about two seconds look,’ you know the one ladies. I also have a ton of Lebanese blood running through me, which makes me anything but the docile type.
My partner, thank goodness is the worst liar in the world. He simply cannot do it. His eyes get all wide and dumbstruck and his lips start curling into a smile before he can even utter a word, which usually escapes in a nervous stammer. Trust me, I applaud this quality in him. Plus we’ve figured out that in our house we apparently have a ghost that does most things neither of us wants to cop to. Hence, no lying; the ghost did it – and this is clearly one busy ghost (um, ghost, if you think about touching my laptop after eating a big greasy pizza, please wash your hands first!)
The other result that was uncovered by this survey was that women lie better. Well I could’ve told you that. In my opinion I think we do most things better, but that’s for another time. I think it scares my partner how good I am at lying – and before anyone starts to thinking I’m this horrible untruthful person, I personally try to avoid lying at all costs unless completely necessary – (i.e. when my partner asks me if he’s lost weight, I of course always answer yes. It’s just the nice thing to do). I think our lying aptitude has something to do with the amount of empathy we women have – don’t you love how I’m trying to spin this into a positive! As we can step into anyone’s shoes and truly feel how they’re feeling, it seems to be pretty easy for us to tell a really good story that in our imagination has all sorts of merit. Then again, maybe we’re just better at it cause we’re smarter and know how to work a situation to our advantage. There is that argument. But this same study says we feel more guilt about lying than men, so we’re not so bad after all.
Men apparently can toss out a lie and feel pretty much nothing. Obviously it depends on the man, as we’ve seen so many times in the press. Some can throw out an egregious lie and kiss their children hello all in the same breath. Shame on you! And others thankfully have morals and a conscience, and don’t make lying a full time profession. I suggest sticking with those types. Then again, how is one to know? Apparently my ass does not look fat in anything I wear and I always look beautiful in the morning. My partner is obviously better at this lying stuff than I give him credit for.